


The Shape of You

by KristenElizabeth



Series: The Ever After [1]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Ghost Ben Solo, Force-Sensitive Poe Dameron, Hurt/Comfort, Kylo Ren and Rey Are Not Related, Loss of Virginity, Poe Dameron Hurts So Prettily, Protective Poe Dameron, Redeemed Ben Solo, Rey Needs A Hug, Sexy Times
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-17
Updated: 2020-01-30
Packaged: 2021-02-27 16:13:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 20,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22289989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KristenElizabeth/pseuds/KristenElizabeth
Summary: He was gone now.  The incredible power he'd had, the Force that mirrored her own so perfectly, had faded out of existence.  And for what?  To save her life?What life could she have now?
Relationships: Poe Dameron/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo
Series: The Ever After [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1626385
Comments: 32
Kudos: 136





	1. The Shape of You

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.
> 
> Notes: Well, it takes a lot to get me out of semi-retirement! Great wrongs that need to be reckoned with? A nugget of an idea that wouldn't go away? Either way, here we are and for me, this is the first time I'm here on this archive! I hope you enjoy!

The Shape of You  
by Kristen Elizabeth

  
****

  
_And around life's merry-go-round goes_  
_And there you are wanting what you cannot hold_  
_There's a hole in my heart in the shape of you..._

  
_\- Jewel, The Shape of You  
_

  
****  
  
Sand. 

  
Everywhere.

  
In everything she owned. In every nook and cranny of the abandoned house she now called hers. 

  
Soft, yet harsh. Fine, yet coarse. Sand could be two things at once.

  
Rey understood that. 

  
She understood sand, with all of its incarnations and inclinations. Being surrounded by desert in all directions felt natural and she was more at home on Tatooine than she would have been anywhere else.

  
But try explaining that to an excitable friend with a propensity for worry.

  
"Finn, for the last time, I am fine," Rey said to the small, holographic version of her best friend. "I have plenty of supplies and I've almost dug out one of the hydro pumps, so pretty soon I'll have all the fresh water I want." 

  
The look he gave her made it absolutely clear that he did not and was not going to believe her. "When you said you were going to Tatooine, I thought you were just going to drop in, see where Luke grew up. Not stay for, what is it now? A month?" He shook his head. "You shouldn't be alone out there. Rose thinks so, too."

  
"I do!" she heard the woman chime in from somewhere out of range. "You should come home."

  
Rey's smile faded. "And where's that?" Before either of them could reply, she rushed on. "It feels right to be here. At least for now. When that changes, I will be back. I promise." 

  
Finn sighed, a sure sign that he was giving in, although it was always temporarily. She fully expected to have this same conversation in another week. "Rey, I know you're grieving for..."

  
She cut him off before he could say that name. "I have to go."

  
"I don't understand it," Finn went on, sparing her for the moment. "But I get that it's bigger than you can explain. Still...I don't think being alone is going to make it better." 

  
Tears stung her eyes, but Rey kept her voice steady. "Finn, just...let me figure this out for myself. Okay? Please."

  
He gave another deep sigh. A signal of defeat. "Okay, Rey. Okay." He leaned closer to the camera. "Do you still have Luke's light saber?"

  
"It was never mine," Rey reminded him. "If you're asking if it's safe here, I have a blaster, I've set up a perimeter wire and what's the other thing...? Oh yeah, I'm still me!!"  
Finn held up his hands in surrender. "Of course. Sorry. I'm sorry. I just...I miss you." 

  
Rey's frustration melted. "Me too."

  
"You promise you will be back?"

  
"I promise."

  
"No pulling a Luke?"

  
She crossed her heart. "I'll be in contact soon." Raising her voice, she addressed Rose. "Take care of him. Don't let him worry."

  
Rose stuck her head in front of Finn's, bringing herself into Rey's sight. "Don't you think if I had that power, you wouldn't be having this same conversation for the fifth time?" she teased. "We hope to see you soon," she added, with more seriousness. "But take all the time you need." 

  
Rey smiled at the woman who hadn't had time to become her friend, but who she very much hoped would be one day. "Thanks. Goodbye." 

  
Switching off the transmitter, the holograms disappeared in mid-wave, leaving Rey alone in the silent, sand-swept house.

  
****

  
Light years away, on Ajan Kloss, Finn pushed away from the transmitter the instant Rey's holographic image was gone. "She's gonna kill me. I knew that from the day I met her! One way or another, she's gonna be the death of me."

  
"It's really wonderful that you're handling this so calmly. Maturely." Rose walked back over to the engine part she had abandoned when he'd decided to call Rey. "Rationally."

  
Finn ran his hand down his face. "What am I going to do?"

  
"Not dramatic at all," she continued, picking up a coupling wrench. 

  
"Rose..."

  
She looked up at him. "What?"

  
"This isn't funny."

  
"Am I laughing?"

  
Finn stood up. "She's light years way, sitting out in the desert, all alone...it's not right!"

  
Rose's voice was gentle. "Finn, you said it yourself. She's grieving."

  
"For Kylo Ren," Finn spat out, like the words tasted bad. 

  
"For Ben Solo." 

  
Shaking his head, Finn brushed this off. "Same person."

  
"I'm not so sure," Rose said. 

  
He went on, as if he hadn't heard her. "I watched him murder and torture, not just strangers. His own father. Her, even! How can she forgive him? Much less..." He stopped, unwilling to say it. 

  
"Sometimes we don't get to decide who we love." She dropped her eyes back to her work before he could look at her, trying to hide her blush. "Do we?"

  
Something in her tone made Finn snap out of his anger. "Rose, I..." 

  
All of a sudden, like a curse and a blessing at the same time, Poe Dameron appeared from around the corner, approaching them from across what had once been the tactical station of the Resistance base. "Hey, do you have that compressor ready, Rose?" 

  
Clearing her throat, she held it up. "Sorry, not yet. Got interrupted."

  
Poe looked back and forth between them. It was all the time he needed to figure out what he'd walked in on. "Ah, let me guess. He called Rey?" 

  
"Why do you assume that? She could have called me," Finn said, indignant. Poe raised an eyebrow. "Well, she could have." 

  
He nodded, indulging his friend. "Sure. I mean, that would be a first, but...sure." 

  
Finn shook his head. "She won't come back. Not yet, anyway. I mean, she promises that she will, but she said the same thing last week. And the week before. You would think she'd want to get away from sand! I know what she grew up with on Jakku and you'd figure she'd never want to be on a desert planet every again, especially since we're in the middle of the jungle and it's all green and watery, but she just wants to go pretty much right back where she started, waiting for something that's just not going to happen!"

  
Instead of watching him while he ranted, Poe's eyes were on Rose as she applied herself to the task of cleaning the compressor with way more attention than necessary. He didn't have the Force, but it didn't take anything more than common sense to see what was right in front of his nose. 

  
Rose was crazy about Finn. Finn was too busy worrying about Rey to figure out what he was feeling for Rose. But if he spent any more of his time and energy on Rey, by the time he realized what he actually wanted, Rose would have moved on. She was a sweet girl, but no pushover.

  
"So Finn," Poe cut him off in mid-ramble. "Did I tell you I was heading out?"

  
"Heading out?" Finn frowned. "Off planet?"

  
"Yeah, got some things to check on. That's why I need that compressor." He winked at Rose. "I'm leaving at first light." 

  
"Great," Finn grumbled. "Everyone's leaving."

  
Rose's back straightened and Poe rushed to remind him, "Not everyone. But I was thinking, I'm not going to be too far from Tatooine. Maybe I could drop in on Rey. Spend a couple of days, see BB-8, you know." 

  
Finn's expression relaxed so fast it was almost comical. "Yeah? That's a great idea!"

  
Rose looked up at Poe, gratitude in her eyes. "A really great idea." 

  
Poe spread his arms and shrugged casually. "That's what I'm here for. Want me to take her anything?"

  
"Just some foodstuffs."

  
"Dehydrated bread, check."

  
Finn grasped his shoulder. "Thanks. I appreciate it." 

  
Reaching up, Poe patted Finn's hand. "Don't mention it." 

  
"Oh, and if you could convince her to come home..." 

  
Walking away, Poe just shook his head. 

  
****

  
Night came on slowly, owing to Tatooine's twin suns, but when both had finally sunk below the horizon, the change in temperature was bracing. Rey supposed it had been the same on Jakku, but her memories of that planet were only of the relentless, inescapable heat. 

  
But here, she had to use every blanket she'd brought with her, in order to get warm at night. 

  
Nights were the worst. During the day, there were things to do. Machinery to repair, supplies to replenish from Mos Eisely, sand to shovel, so much sand that her mind couldn't wander any further than the next shovel-full. 

  
But at night, with her body sore and her soul aching, she could remember. 

  
She didn't even have to wait for her dreams to see him. He was there, in her thoughts as she climbed, shivering, under the blankets. 

  
She could recall the first time she'd seen him-- not the mask, but the man underneath--and how he'd surprised her. And, although it would be a long time before she acknowledged it, how the face he'd hidden fascinated her. Not exactly handsome, yet irritatingly attractive, even as he threatened her and his mind probed hers, seeking a way in.

  
Well, he had found it. She wished he hadn't. 

  
Closing her eyes, Rey begged sleep to take her over, to take her away from her thoughts, but it wouldn't. 

  
Because after she remembered his face, she always remembered the rest of his body and how he had taken unspoken delight in using it to make her uncomfortable. Desire had never been a part of Rey's life until that moment. He opened up a door and challenged her to explore what lay inside. 

  
She hadn't. She wished she had. 

  
He was gone now. The incredible power he'd had, the Force that mirrored her own so perfectly, had faded out of existence. And for what? To save her life?

  
What life could she have now? 

  
Finn didn't understand, of course. She barely understood it herself. The only word she could assign to the incredible bond she and Ben had shared was 'love,' but it was entirely inadequate. It didn't begin to explore the depths of what had bound them. 

  
He could shrug off the concept of love. Because how was it possible to love an enemy and one she barely knew? To Finn, to Rose, to Poe, to everyone in the Resistance, Ben Solo didn't exist. He had only been Kylo Ren, the stuff of nightmares, a murderer hell-bent on ruling the galaxy. 

  
They couldn't understand why she mourned him. They could have understood Leia's grief if she was alive, but not Rey's. 

  
So, she'd stayed on Tatooine. Buried herself in sand, hoping that the longer she stayed, the less she would remember him. And that when she returned, she could have the life he'd given her. 

  
At least, that was what she told herself.

  
But deep inside, in the places within her soul that didn't react to logic or common sense, she stayed on Tatooine, isolated from everyone but a cute droid, for a completely opposite reason. 

  
"Ben," Rey whispered, looking around at the darkness. "Can you hear me?"

  
There was no answer. She hadn't really expected one. That one time...it had been a fluke. The product of sun-stroke or dehydration in the early days after her arrival. Yes, it had seemed real--that she'd called to him and he'd answered. That she could feel his hand on her cheek, that the night air carried a whisper of his scent. Clean sweat and smoky ash. 

  
But it wasn't real. Ben had not appeared to her through the Force. Whatever power had allowed Luke and Leia to appear to her, Ben either couldn't or wouldn't do the same.

  
She closed her eyes as a tear dripped off her nose. "Ben, please. I need to see you."

  
Silence was her only answer. 

  
Although it seemed like hours, eventually sleep came for Rey. Dreamless sleep, devoid of any thoughts of him and everything she had lost almost at the exact moment she'd found it. 

  
****

  
TBC


	2. Bed of Roses

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Of course, if Poe had been honest with himself, he would have realized that it hadn't taken much to get him to make the journey. The prospect of seeing Rey again--it was really all the incentive he'd needed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.
> 
> Notes: Thanks for sticking around after the first chapter! I have outlined the whole story now, and while it took some surprising twists, I very much hope you like it!

****

  
_Tonight I won't be alone_  
_But you know that don't mean I won't be lonely_

  
_\- Bon Jovi, Bed of Roses_

  
****

  
Tatooine was, in pilot's terms, the ass-end of the galaxy. Home to criminals, thugs and people who had nowhere else to go. Poe didn't know anyone who had ever gone there willingly.

  
Well, up until now. 

  
Zipping through space in his X-wing, Poe wondered for the hundredth time whether he was doing the right thing by dropping in on Rey, unannounced. Maybe he should have at least given her a heads up? 

  
But almost as soon as he had convinced himself to turn around, he remembered the haunted look in Rey's eyes, even as the celebrations for the end of the First Order and the return of peace to the galaxy went on around her. 

  
He gripped his controls tighter. Yeah. He'd made the right choice to come. A month was long enough on her own. Plenty of time to clear her head. Maybe just seeing a friendly face would be enough to make her want to go back. 

  
Of course, if he'd been honest with himself, he would have realized that it hadn't taken much to get him to make the journey. The prospect of seeing Rey again--it was really all the incentive he'd needed. 

  
A signal beeped on his console, telling him that he was approaching Tatooine. Taking the ship out of hyper drive, Poe double checked the coordinates that Finn had given him.  
Within minutes, he'd broken through Tatooine's atmosphere, on his way to a spot in the middle of the desert, near the Mos Eisley spaceport.

  
Skimming the surface of the planet, all he could see were endless sand dunes. Then, like an oasis in the desert, the Millenium Falcon appeared. Poe grinned at the sight of the ship.

  
"Hey, friend."

  
He landed the X-wing right next to the Falcon and once she was locked down, he hit the controls to open the cockpit and lifted his helmet from his head. Almost immediately, he put it back on and drew down the tinted glass visor--the twin suns were blinding after so many hours in the total darkness of space. 

  
Poe climbed out of the ship with a backpack full of rations and dropped down to the ground. Straightening up, he looked around, trying to get his bearings. A domed structure lay in the distance. Luke's, he guessed. Running a hand through his hair, Poe started walking.

  
It didn't take more than five minutes before the collar of his shirt was soaked with sweat. Panting, he squinted at the horizon. He was no more than a hundred feet from the house. Finn had said that Rey was staying on a moisture farm--he was going to drink a gallon of water when he got there.

But as soon as Poe had taken his next step, his foot caught on a metal wire hidden by a dusting of sand. It was enough to send him stumbling forward; he barely managed to get out a startled, "What the...?" before he face-planted in the sand.

  
With the little wind he had left knocked out of him, Poe struggled to lift himself up on his elbow. His helmet and his visor made it difficult to see, but he thought he caught a flash of something approaching. Something fast. And powerful. 

  
It was on him in the space of time it took him to blink. Knocked flat on his back by the sheer force coming at him, Poe looked up to a dark silhouette standing over him, anonymous against the sun.

  
"Rey?" he guessed, hoping.

  
Immediately, the invisible pressure keeping him on the ground disappeared. "Poe?" 

  
Able to use his arms again, Poe ripped off his helmet and grinned up at her. "If this is how you greet friends, Finn really shouldn't be worried about your safety out here."

  
Rey shook her head. He was unable to read her expression; there was too much emotion in her eyes. But she held her hand out and he took it, letting her help him up. "What are you doing here?" she demanded.

  
He brushed sand off his pants and grabbed his backpack. "I've always wanted to see Tatooine?" She leveled him with a look. "You don't believe me?"

  
"Finn sent you."

  
"Nobody sends me anywhere. At least, not anymore." 

  
"So you sent yourself to check up on me?" 

  
Poe hesitated, unsure if he was ready to acknowledge the truth...that was exactly what he'd done. He might have been able to convince himself that he'd done it just for Finn's sake, but he wasn't sure he could lie to her well enough. "Can we get out of the sun?" 

  
Rey sighed. "Of course. Follow me." 

  
She led him to the domed entrance, down the sandy steps, and into the house. Being underground, it was marginally cooler than the surface. Rey led him to a small living space and indicated a chair.

  
"Sit down," she said, not unwelcoming, but not exactly warm, either. When he did as she asked, she disappeared around a corner, reappearing a moment later with a glass of water in her hand. "Here."

  
He accepted it gladly, wrapping his hands around it with relish. He'd finished half the glass before she took a seat opposite to his. 

  
"Better?" she asked.

  
"Much. Thanks." 

  
"Good. Now we can discuss how long you're staying. I'm thinking sundown?" 

  
Poe lowered his drink and studied her for a moment. Her hair, her clothes, her voice were all the same, but the light that emanated from her, the light that had drawn him to her when they'd first met...it was all but gone. 

  
"Ouch," he half-joked. 

  
"I'm sorry," she said. "But the whole reason I came here was to be alone."

  
"Rey, c'mon." As if it sensed that the tense moment needed to be broken, BB-8 rolled into the room. Grateful for the distraction, Poe set his glass down and dropped to his knees in front of the droid. "Hey, buddy! How are you?" BB-8 chirped happily. "Is she taking good care of you? Keeping sand out of your systems?"

  
"Of course I'm taking good care of him," Rey protested. BB-8 confirmed this with a beep. 

  
Poe looked up at her. "So, you're not really alone, are you? I mean, this one." He patted BB-8's round head. "He's good company."

  
"Yes." She narrowed her eyes. "Poe, what's your..."

  
"If you're not really alone, then it won't matter if I stick around for a couple of days. At least until I rehydrate and can face that walk back to my ride again." He retrieved his water and took a sip, his face a mask of innocence. "Right?"

  
He could see her struggling to come up with reasons to say no, but it wasn't in her nature, even in this strange, sad state she was in. "Fine," she eventually gave in. "There's a spare bedroom you can take." She pointed at him. "But while you're here, be prepared to work. I have hydro pumps to clear."

  
Poe flicked her a salute. Rolling her eyes, Rey stood up and left the room. 

  
Glancing at BB-8, Poe asked, "Is she serious?" BB-8 confirmed this with a sad beep. "Yeah, I was afraid of that."

  
****

  
When the trip wire was activated, Rey instantly thought it could be Sand People. She hadn't seen any of them so far, but there had been a few tracks around the perimeter border. She hadn't waited for visual confirmation; she'd just leapt into action. Thankfully, she was too far away from her light saber or else she would have been doubly sorry when she realized it was only Poe. 

  
Checking up on her. Like she was a child! 

  
The irritation that had settled on her from the moment he'd conned his way into staying flared as she prepared for bed. Sure, she was grateful for the supplies he'd brought; it would allow her to put off a trip to Mos Eisley for two weeks. Well, maybe one week with more than one mouth to feed. But his sudden arrival, with no hint of notice--well, just who the hell did he think he was?

  
Rey tugged a brush through her shoulder length hair with angry strokes. Okay, maybe she was grateful for his surprising skills in the kitchen. Somehow Poe had taken dehydrated rations and, with the help of some spices he'd stashed in his bag, turned them into a pretty tasty stew. Rey's idea of cooking was mixing water into powder and hoping it made bread. But as nice as it was to eat something that tasted good, it didn't give Poe Dameron the right to barge in and take over! 

  
She yanked back her thick cover of blankets and threw herself into bed. And sure, it was good to hear that everyone was doing well. Everyone had a job to do in this new world, free of oppression and control, and they were all settling into it. Except for her. Damn Poe for making her realize that as he told stories about the Resistance pilots while they'd cleaned the dishes after supper. 

  
Damn him. This was where she belonged. On her own. Well, except for BB-8. 

  
Her eyes were suddenly heavy. So heavy that she couldn't keep them open. 

  
Damn him...

  
****

  
The spare room hadn't been occupied in years. Poe shook his head at the layer of sandy dust that covered the small bed. Correction...decades. Well, he thought, bending down to take off his boots, he'd slept on worse. 

  
It took him ten minutes to brush enough dust away for him to feel comfortable about stretching out on the bare mattress. Looking up at the tan ceiling--was there any other color on the entire planet??--Poe tried to ignore the chill in the air and how his thin shirt was inadequate protection from it. He should have swiped his jacket back from Finn. 

  
He had just closed his eyes, determined to sleep, when a strangled cry pierced the silent house. Poe sat up swiftly as another cry, lower this time, followed. 

  
"Rey?!" Barefoot, Poe raced out of the room, searching the unfamiliar halls for the source of the sound. "Rey!"

  
As he passed by a shut door, he could hear sobbing. Backing up to the door, he knocked. "Rey, are you okay?" 

  
There was no answer. Just muffled moans that twisted his gut and made his heart ache. He hesitated a second before pushing the door open.

  
Caught in the throes of a nightmare, Rey lay in bed, her arms flung over her head, her torso and legs twisted around a mountain of blankets as she fought against her dreams. In the dim light, Poe could see silvery tracks of tears on her cheeks, although her eyes were squeezed shut.

  
He wanted to reach for her, but something held him back. Utterly helpless, Poe plunged his hands into his hair and dragged them down his face. 

  
It wasn't right to stay there. Wasn't right to watch such a private moment. His Adam's apple bobbed as he stepped back to the door. He was just about to go when the hairs on the back of his neck stood up. 

  
Swinging his head around again, he scanned the room. Rey was starting to calm down, her body relaxing. Poe frowned. It happened so quickly...

  
Something was there. In the room. He didn't know what it was, and he certainly didn't know how he knew with such certainty, but they were not alone. 

  
A shiver ran down his spine. The presence, whatever it was, he'd felt it before. Not so long ago. Another night, another desert planet...

  
Poe looked at Rey again. She was quiet now, breathing steadily, her face almost peaceful. 

  
His chest rose and fell as he slipped out of the room and pulled the door shut. Backing up against it, he slid down to the floor and propped his elbows on his knees, waiting for morning. 

  
****

  
TBC


	3. Always Remember Us This Way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was nothing he could do except be there if she needed him. But she never called for him. 
> 
> Just for...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.
> 
> Notes: Thanks for all the encouragement--this is a fun story to tell:)

****

  
_But all I really know_  
_You're where I want to go_  
_The part of me that's you will never die_

  
_\- Lady Gaga, Always Remember Us This Way_

  
****

  
Rey woke at sunrise and as her eyes opened, the dreams that had tortured and comforted her in equal measure fled from her memory, leaving her with the certainty that she hadn't dreamed at all. She woke to another day in a world where Ben no longer existed. Where the other half of her soul was gone and would never come back. 

  
Fresh tears flooded her eyes, ready to join the dried tracks on her cheeks, but at that moment, there was a loud crash from the kitchen, followed by an apologetic, "Sorry! So sorry!"

  
Rey scrubbed the back of her hand across her eyes. Poe. What the hell was he doing?!

  
Leaping out of bed, she didn't even bother changing out of the loose shift that she'd slept in. She threw open the door and stalked towards the kitchen.

  
All she could see of Poe was his legs at first; he was halfway into a deep cabinet she'd never explored. All around him were pots and pans he'd pulled out as he searched for...whatever he was searching for. BB-8 watched him, projecting a light on him and making sounds of encouragement, but when Rey appeared at the doorway, he rolled straight over to her. 

  
"Buddy, I need that light to..." Poe wriggled out of the cabinet and sat up, only to see Rey looking down at him with confusion, irritation and exasperation. "Hey." He cleared his throat. "Hi. Good morning."

  
"What are you doing?" she cut to the chase.

  
"Um...looking for frying pan." Poe got to his feet, refusing to look her straight in the eye. "Just wanted to make fried dough. For breakfast." He paused, daring to sneak a look at her. "You like fried dough, right?"

  
Rey stared at him blankly. "Do you do this every morning?"

  
"No." He shook his head. "Nope." Another awkward moment passed. "Unless you, you know...like it. The fried dough, I mean." She sighed and rubbed her forehead. "You okay?" he immediately asked. "You, um, slept okay?" 

  
"I slept fine." Rey turned to go. "We should get started on the hydro pump before the suns rise too high." She stopped at the door and looked back at him from over her shoulder. "I like fried dough. Maybe for dinner?" 

  
He nodded and she left him in the middle of a sea of cookware. 

  
****

  
A week and a half later, Poe found himself lingering in the shower as long as he could, trying to wake up after a mostly sleepless night. They were going on a supply run to Mos Eisley and from what he'd heard of the place, he needed to be as alert there as possible.

  
Life on Tatooine had settled into a routine. An awkward routine filled with stilted conversation, weird periods of utter silence, and the general embarrassment that came with sharing one working bath, but Poe was starting to get used to being there. 

  
With his help, they'd managed to clear the hydro pump and now Rey was determined to get it working again. Not being a mechanical guy himself, unless it involved wings, Poe was happy to let her tinker away while he stayed out of the heat and caught a few minutes of sleep.

  
Because sleep was hard to come by at night. 

  
The first night hadn't been just a horrible fluke. Rey's dreams tormented her every night, without fail. He'd stopped getting up after the fourth night. On the fifth night, he fashioned some earplugs with spare cloth. Not that it helped much. 

  
There was nothing he could do except be there if she needed him. But she never called for him. Just for...

  
He balled up his fists, only relaxing them when they began to ache. Snapping out of his thoughts, he suddenly realized he couldn't get away with wasting any more water. Poe turned off the spray, wiped water from his face and shook out his wet hair. Still dripping, he stepped out and reached for the rough towel, wrapping it around his lower body.

  
As it turned out, he was just in the nick of time. Only seconds later, the door opened and Rey, oblivious to anything but a bleeding cut on her hand, walked right into the bath.

  
When the realization that the room wasn't empty hit her, Rey looked up at him with an expression so full of shock that it almost made him laugh. "Oh!!" Immediately her eyes dropped, but looking down only gave her a really good view of his tanned, water-dappled chest. Her gaze shot back up. "I'm so sorry!" 

  
"It's okay," he assured her. "It's not the first time someone's caught me in the shower." Holding her injured hand, all she could do was blink. "Hey, what happened there?" he asked, indicating the blood.

  
"Um..." Rey seemed to be having trouble making words. "I...I cut it."

  
Poe chuckled. "Yeah, I gathered that." He stepped forward to see the wound better. "Looks deep." 

  
She fixed her stare somewhere over his shoulder. "I can heal it. I just...wanted to clean it, first." 

  
"Heal it? Like, with the Force?" She nodded. Poe crossed his arms. "I think I'd like to see that." Rey met his eyes for a brief second, but looked away just as fast. "I mean, I'd put some clothes on first, of course." 

  
"That would be a good idea." A moment passed. "I'll leave you to that, then." Poe bit back a smile when, even after declaring that, it still took her another moment to actually leave the bath. 

  
****

  
Once Rey had closed up the cut on her hand and bandaged the pink scar that remained, they set out for Mos Eisely. Before Poe had arrived, she'd managed to repair and boost an ancient landspeeder she'd found half-buried in the sand. Although it would have been a relic even in Luke's youth, it was proving to be invaluable in moving around the planet. 

  
She thought she was going to have to fight Poe on who would drive the landspeeder, but to her surprise, and frankly her disappointment, he'd taken the passenger's seat with little more than an annoying grin. 

  
That cocky smile ensured that her mood, which hadn't been all that great from the moment she'd walked in on him dripping and half-naked, took a turn for the worse. She was embarrassed, of course, but she was also angry. Not with him, she realized, as they skimmed the surface of the desert. She was angry with herself. 

Reacting to Ben's body with the unfamiliar ache of desire was understandable, especially considering all he would become to her. Plus, it was the first time she'd ever seen a man like that. 

  
But having that same twist of want...for Poe? And having it throw her off even more than it had with Ben? She gripped the landspeeder's controls tighter. Ridiculous. Unthinkable. 

  
"You okay?" Poe called out over the sound of the wind. 

  
Rey replied through gritted teeth. "How many times a day are you going to ask me that?"

  
"As many as it takes to get an honest answer." 

  
They didn't speak again until they reached the edge of Mos Eisely. Rey navigated the landspeeder to an area just off the main thoroughfare and powered down. 

  
"We should split up," she said. "It'll take us half the time to get everything we need." 

  
Poe looked down the dusty street that ran between dozens of domed, tan buildings. People zipped by on smaller speeders; creatures wandered without restraint. Nothing about the street was inviting, but there was nowhere else they could replenish their supplies and get the parts Rey needed for the hydro pump. "Yeah, I think we'd better stick together."

  
"You think I can't handle myself?" she snapped. 

  
"Not you I'm worried about," he said, climbing out of the speeder. "Think of how much trouble I could get into here."

  
Despite herself, Rey felt a smile coming on. Biting her cheeks to make it stop, she joined him and together they melted into the crowd. 

****

  
When Rey shopped alone, she grabbed what she needed, paid for it, and left, all within minutes. Poe took his time, picking through the Bellassian peppers until he found one with the right shade of yellow, sniffing Kavasa fruits to find the ripest ones, and flicking the end of a hubba goard to hear whether it was hollow inside. 

  
If it hadn't been so exasperating, the attention he paid to the vegetables might have been fascinating. She'd never seen anyone be so invested in food. Food was a necessity, not a pleasure. 

  
"Poe..." She grimaced as he started sorting through a mountain of desert plums. "We're going to be here all day." 

  
The vendor, a busty woman who seemed perfectly happy to have Poe spend the rest of the day at her stall, leaned across the fruits to address him. "Your wife is impatient," she purred. "I wouldn't be..."

  
Poe glanced at Rey, only to see her lowering her crossed arms, caught off guard by the word "wife." 

  
He winked at the vendor. "She'll be happy when I feed them to her." 

  
Rey's mouth fell open in shock. Sensing he was about to get it, Poe quickly picked up a few plums. "Thanks, we'll take these."

  
"Why didn't you correct her?" Rey demanded as emerged back onto the street. "She thought I was your wife."

  
Poe put the bag of plums into his pack with the other vegetables. "Who cares what she thinks?"

  
"I care!" Rey's outburst caused several people around them to turn and look. 

  
Poe stopped and looked back at her. "Why?" When she didn't answer, he stepped closer to her. "Why, Rey?" 

  
"Because..." 

  
But that was all she could come up with, even after several long minutes of glaring at him. Finally, she couldn't take it. Her unresolved anger, his overwhelming presence, the months of non-restful sleep all hit her at once. Turning on her heel, she tried to stalk away from him, but the street was too crowded. Almost immediately, she slammed into the tall, reptilian figure of a Trandoshan. 

  
"Watch where you're going!" Rey shouted up at him. 

  
The creature hissed in protest. 

  
"Rey!" Poe warned, as the Trandoshan started reaching for his blaster. 

  
She ignored him. "Do you have a problem?" she continued, despite the fact that her opponent was twice her size. 

  
The Trandoshan laughed, replying in his strange, slithering language. 

  
Poe grabbed Rey's arm. "We're leaving!" he announced. "No problem here!" When Rey jerked out his grip, he demanded, "What the hell are you doing? You know his species hunts Wookies for fun, right?" 

  
The Trandoshan withdrew his weapon and pointed it at them. The street quickly cleared around them as people pushed to get out of the line of fire.

  
"We need to go!" Poe insisted.

  
But Rey had already retrieved her light saber from the bag that hung at her side. A yellow blade shot from the handle as Rey expertly brandished it. 

  
Poe sighed. "Ah, shit..."

  
Whether he didn't know what a light saber was or whether he didn't think one in the hands of a slender human female was much of a threat, the Trandoshan wasn't backing down. He fired his blaster directly at Rey and it was only when she effortlessly blocked the blast and sent it ricocheting off into the air that he hesitated. 

  
He fired again with the same result, only this time the ricocheted blast hit the wall of the cantina, sending the patrons who were lingering in the door way, watching the fight scrambling for cover from the falling debris. 

  
Poe grabbed his own blaster from the holster that slung low on his hips. Aiming at the Trandoshan and hoping it wouldn't be the last thing he ever did, he fired. The blast caught the creature in the shoulder, eliciting a roar of pain. He crumpled to the ground, holding the smoking wound.

  
Seizing the opportunity for escape, Poe grabbed Rey's free hand and started running. She only fought him for a minute before it became clear that the Trandoshan had recovered enough to begin chasing them. After that, she ran without any encouragement. With the street mostly cleared, they were back at the landspeeder within minutes.

  
Poe leapt into the driver's seat. "Get in!" he ordered, leaving no room for argument. 

  
To her credit, as if she'd suddenly realized the situation her actions had put them in, Rey jumped into the speeder and Poe took off, sending up a cloud of sandy dust.   
He could hear another vehicle taking off somewhere behind them, but Poe didn't turn to look. Hitting the throttle as hard as it would go, hard enough to make the landspeeder shake dangerously, he flew away from Mos Eisley. 

  
Using the terrain around the spaceport as cover, Poe raced through the rocky canyons until he found a cave large enough to house the speeder. Braking, he maneuvered into it and turned off the power. 

  
Rey opened her mouth to say something, but Poe covered her lips with his hand. "Shh."

  
Overhead, a vehicle shot by, its shadow visible on the canyon floor outside the cave. They waited in tense silence for almost five minutes, waiting to see if it would double back. 

  
When it didn't, Poe leveled her with a hard look, but said nothing. Crossing her arms, Rey looked away. 

  
They arrived back as the suns were starting to make their nightly descent; the desert was painted in shades of pink and peach as Poe brought the speeder to a stop.

Rey, who'd had plenty of time to think on the way back, hesitantly spoke, remorse in her voice. "Poe, I..."

  
Abruptly, he climbed out of the speeder and jumped to the ground. 

  
She stood up in the passenger's seat. "Aren't you going to let me apologize?"

  
Shielding his eyes from the suns, he looked up at her. "The only thing I want to hear from you is an explanation, Rey. What the...I mean, what were you...?" He ran his hand down his face. "Don't you think we've both had enough near-death moments for one lifetime? Two lifetimes!" 

  
Rey landed on the sand, but said nothing. He was right, of course. 

  
Poe approached her, his face a mask of anger tempered with something else she couldn't identify. "What the hell were you thinking back there?" 

  
"I..." She shook her head. "I don't know." 

  
"Were you trying to get yourself killed?" Rey didn't realize she flinched at that until Poe continued, softer this time, "Do you have some kind of death wish?"

  
She met his eyes. It was plain to see what the "something else" was now. Worry. He looked at her like a sane person regarded someone who had lost their mind. 

  
"I don't want to die, " she said, but the small hiccup in her words made it clear she wasn't telling the whole truth. 

  
"What, you just want to be with him that bad? Rey..." She drew in a small, ragged breath when he moved close enough to cup her face in his hands. "If you think I would ever stand by and let that happen..." 

  
Reaching up, she put her hand over his on her right cheek. "Please let me go," she whispered. 

  
Poe dropped his hands. She didn't look back; she just ran into the house as fast as possible, putting as much distance between them as she could. 

  
****

  
Nothing, not even Bantha meat stew with fresh plums, could get Rey to emerge from her room. BB-8 was still trying as Poe made his way to his own room; he sat outside Rey's door, occasionally chirping a request to come in that was ignored. 

  
"Sorry, Buddy," Poe told him. "She's not speaking to me, either." 

  
In his room, Poe shed his utility belt, his boots and his lightweight scarf. He was just about to unbutton his pants when he felt it. That unsettling certainty that he wasn't alone. And the even more terrifying feeling that he recognized the energy in the room.

  
"Who's there?" he said, scanning the empty space. "I can feel you." 

  
From the corner, there was a muted blue light. As Poe watched, amazed, it started to take shape. A man. A tall man. As he came more into focus, Poe could make out his features. Dark hair. A youthful face marred by a scar that ran across his right eye, down his neck and disappeared under his black collar. 

  
"What the hell is this?" Poe breathed, stunned into place. 

  
"Poe Dameron." Kylo Ren...Ben Solo...the man whose torture still haunted his dreams stood in front of him, a ghostly figure surrounded by a blue light. "Would you like to talk first this time?"

  
****

  
TBC


	4. Do What You Have to Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Poe's lip curled up in a snarl. "You don't get to live in my head anymore."  
> "And yet...here we are talking."  
> "What the hell could you possibly say that I would be interested in hearing?"  
> Kylo Ren was quiet for a moment. "Rey."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.
> 
> Notes: I'm so glad to see people are reading and (hopefully) enjoying this. If you have a moment, I'd love to hear from you. Feedback is a terrific motivator, especially as we head into a long week of work. Regardless, though, thanks for stopping by!

****

  
_And I have the sense to recognize_  
_I don't know how to let you go_  
_The yearning to be near you_  
_I do what I have to do_

  
_\- Sarah McLachlan, Do What I Have to Do_

  
****

  
"You're not real." Assured of himself, Poe shook his head at the apparition of Kylo Ren. "You're dead."

  
The man...if he could be called that...inclined his chin. "Yes." 

  
"So, I'm dreaming." 

  
"You're not." 

  
"I suppose you're gonna tell me this is some sort of Force thing?"

  
The ghostly blue figure watched him with no need to blink. "You tell me."

  
Poe snorted softly. "I'm not Rey. I'm not even Finn. The Force...it isn't with me."

  
"You believe that, don't you?" 

  
"Go away!" Poe growled. "Whatever you are...a ghost or a nightmare, whatever, I have nothing to say to you!" He pointed at the figure, his voice shaky with unresolved rage. "You tortured me. For hours. I have scars!"

  
"I don't doubt it," Kylo Ren said nonchalantly. "My interrogations were...thorough." 

  
Poe's lip curled up in a snarl. "You don't get to live in my head anymore."

  
"And yet...here we are talking."

  
"What the hell could you possibly say that I would be interested in hearing?"

  
Kylo Ren was quiet for a moment. "Rey."

  
"What about Rey?" Poe demanded. 

  
The blue figure took a seat on the bench opposite from Poe's bed. "What did she tell about what happened on Exegol?"

  
"She told me you died." Poe grinned. "All I needed to know to make me sleep real well that night." 

  
"She didn't tell you that she died, too." 

  
Poe blinked. The room was so silent, he could hear his own breaths, heavy and fast. "What the hell are you talking about?"

  
For the first time since he appeared, the mask of indifference on the ghost's scarred face slipped. Poe watched, amazed, as he struggled with a memory. "She died, destroying Palpatine. It took everything she had." 

  
"Where were you?" Poe asked, the question laced with accusation. 

  
Kylo Ren stood up. "Not there." 

  
"Yeah, I bet." Poe swore and paced to the far end of the room, as far away from the apparition as he could get. After a moment, he asked, "But she's alive." 

  
"Yes." 

  
"How?" They considered each other for a long moment until Poe realized. "You." Kylo Ren didn't nod, but he didn't need to. Running his hand through his hair, Poe could only heave a sigh. "No wonder she's..." His eyes narrowed. "Do you know what she's going through?"

  
"Of course I do." 

  
"Then why do you stay away from her?" Poe reluctantly added, "She wants to see you."

  
Kylo Ren's answer was simple. "I want her to move on."

  
"Why don't you?" 

  
"I don't want to leave her," he confessed.

  
Poe's tone was one of disgust. "You like watching her suffer?" 

  
"I loved her."

  
"Like hell you did! You tried to kill her! You tried to destroy everything...everyone she cares about," Poe shouted. "That isn't love." 

  
The ghost shook his head slowly. "Kylo Ren didn't know how to show her."

  
"You are Kylo Ren!"

  
Silence blanketed the room until the apparition spoke again. "Kylo Ren died before Ben Solo. I am Ben Solo. And I loved Rey." 

  
"See, this is the problem with all this Force crap," Poe snapped. "When people die, they should just stay dead and quit haunting the living." 

  
"Perhaps." 

  
"Well, I don't want your ass haunting mine, so go talk to Rey. Let her be happy for few minutes. Seeing you is pretty much the only thing that's gonna make her smile now."

  
Kylo Ren...Ben watched him plop down on his bed dismissively. "Do you think I want that kind of life for her?"

  
"I don't know what the hell you want," Poe said, crossing his arms over his chest. "And I don't really care." 

  
The corner of Ben's lip curled up. "Stubborn. Probing your mind was a challenge. Not a big challenge, of course, but..." 

  
"You better be real glad that you're already dead," Poe snarled.

  
"You fought me with the Force." 

  
"I don't do that." 

  
Ben ignored him. "Do you want to know what I saw there?" he asked. Poe said nothing. "I saw you. Poe Dameron. The pride of the Rebel fleet. A spice runner. A member of the Rapier Squadron. A son desperately trying to live up to his parents and their reputation. I understand that."

  
"Yeah, I bet." Poe stood up abruptly to look him in the eye. "Leia deserved better than you." 

  
"I know," Ben said after a second. "Rey does, too." 

  
"That's the only thing you've said that I agree with."

  
The men faced off for what seemed like minutes before Ben spoke again. "Don't let her give into her anger. I feel it, growing every day. Nothing I do seems to help."

  
"You think I would ever let her become like you?"

  
Ben almost smiled. "No. In fact, I'm counting on it." Before Poe could reply, the ghostly blue figure faded from the room as silently as he'd appeared.

  
Poe stood in the same spot for a long time after he was gone, debating with himself. Had it been real, had it been a dream...or was he losing his mind?

  
****

  
The next morning, Poe woke with a headache, groggy from another sleepless night. He lay on the thin mattress, still wearing his pants and shirt from the day before, trying to will himself to get up. What sort of day was he in for? Would Rey continue to avoid him? And speaking of Rey, should he tell her about his dream or his vision or whatever had led him to have a midnight conversation with Kylo...with Ben Solo? 

  
He was still considering all the possible ways he could approach the subject when he suddenly became aware of an acrid scent. Smoke. Something was burning. 

  
Leaping out of bed, Poe went on a mad dash through the house until he reached the kitchen. To his shock, Rey was standing at the cooker, waving her hand over a smoking pan. 

  
"Poe!" She coughed. "I was making breakfast." 

  
BB-8 chirped and beeped next to her, informing Poe that breakfast, had it been removed from the heat in time, would have been fried Bantha strips and eggs. 

  
Despite his headache, Poe smiled. The smile turned into laughter, growing until he was bent over with his hands on his knees. 

  
"It's not that funny," Rey protested. 

  
He managed to stifle himself for a moment--until he saw a piece of eggshell plastered to her cheek. 

  
"Poe, what is so funny?" she demanded. 

  
Still chuckling, Poe approached her and reached out to remove the shell. Rey looked at it sheepishly, then looked up at him. "Thanks."

  
"Anytime." 

  
Suddenly aware of just how close they were, Rey took a step back. "I was making breakfast to, um, to apologize. For yesterday." She took the smoking pan and dumped the contents into the recycler. "I don't know what I was thinking, but I put you in danger, and I'm sorry."

  
Poe leaned against the counter and watched her as she started to scrub the pan. "You haven't been sleeping well."

  
"No, I haven't," she admitted.

  
"And your anger got the best of you. I could feel it."

  
Rey smiled at him. "Maybe you are sensitive to the Force."

  
Poe shook his head. "Why does everyone think that?"

  
"Do you mean Finn?" she asked.

  
He blinked. "Yeah. Finn. Of course."

  
Rey looked up from the pan and considered him. "Would it be such a bad thing if you were?" 

  
"I'm not," he assured her. "Don't you think I'd know by now if I was? I've never moved anything with my mind."

  
"That's not all there is to it." Rey left the pan in the sink and reached for a towel to dry her hands. "I've seen you fly, Poe."

  
He glanced up at the ceiling. "Years of training and a lot of luck."

  
"You're sure?" 

  
"As sure as I'm standing here."

  
After a moment of consideration, Rey tossed the towel aside. "Come on. Let's find out." 

  
****

  
She led him out of the house, into the open air. On the way out, she grabbed her staff and his piloting helmet. 

  
"Put this on," Rey told him. "And take this." She held out her staff. 

  
"What are we doing?" 

  
Impatiently, Rey grabbed the helmet and put it on his head for him. She drew down the visor, blinding him. He could feel her take his hand and put the staff into it.

  
"Now, attack me." 

  
Poe lifted up the visor. She stood in front of him, arms raised in defense mode. "You want me attack you?"

  
"If you can," she teased.

  
"What if I hurt you?" Her smile dropped as she leveled him with a look. He grinned and pulled the visor back into place. "Stranger things have happened." 

  
"You seem pretty sure of yourself for someone who thinks he can't use the Force," Rey said. "Clear your mind. Concentrate on me. Feel my presence." 

  
Poe sighed. "Fine." Closing his eyes, he tried to focus on just the blackness. It didn't come automatically--with his eyes closed, he could still see faces--his parents, Leia, Finn, Rey--but eventually, after what seemed like forever, there was nothing. 

  
Nothing but warmth. Not the scorching heat of the suns, but a gentle warmth. A beautiful presence. Poe swung the staff.

  
"Not bad," Rey said from behind him. "Try again."

  
Poe frowned as he re-focused. The warmth, he could feel it on his right side, yet just before he was about to jab to the right, he changed his mind and jabbed left. 

  
The staff made contact with something solid with more force than he had intended. Blinking madly, Poe lifted up the visor, only to find Rey on the ground.

  
"Rey!" He dropped down beside her, letting the staff roll behind him in the sand. "Are you okay?" 

  
"I'm fine." She lifted herself up on her elbow, rubbing her stomach. "You hit me."

  
"I'm so sorry! I didn't realize..." 

  
Rey sat up and grabbed his hand in excitement. "Do you know what this means?" She didn't wait for an answer. "You can use the Force! I knew it!" She went on in a rush, "Poe, this is amazing! Let me train you! I can teach you how to..." 

  
Poe sat back in the sand, shaking his head. "No."

  
The single word broke through Rey's glee. "What?"

  
"I don't want to be trained." 

  
She blinked. "I don't understand. Why?"

  
Poe shifted closer to her and took her hand. "Has all of this ever made you happy? Really, truly happy?" 

  
Rey looked back and forth between his eyes. "It's given me power."

  
"That's not happiness." 

  
After a long moment, Rey whispered, "It's brought me friends. Family."

  
He laced his fingers through hers. "I already have that."

  
Rey looked down at their joined hands, then back up at him. "Poe, I'm not..." Her voice trailed off.

  
"Ready. I know." With his free hand, he tucked a stray strand of hair that had worked its way out of her buns behind her ear. "I'm not going anywhere." 

  
Shaking her hand free, Rey shot to her feet. "I owe you breakfast. I'll try not to burn it this time." She hesitated as if she wanted to say more, but then she took off, running towards the entrance to the house. 

  
****

  
TBC


	5. I'm Your Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With each encounter and every close call, Poe felt something, that warm presence that he'd recognized during his one brief encounter with Force training. 
> 
> He wanted to reach for it, to reach for her, but she'd put herself off limits. And he wasn't about to push her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.
> 
> Notes: Edging towards that teen rating now...enjoy!

****

  
_If you want a lover, I'll do anything you ask me to_  
_And if you want another kind of love, I'll wear a mask for you_  
_If you want a partner, take my hand_  
_If you want to strike me down in anger, here I stand_

  
_\- Leonard Cohen, I'm Your Man_

  
****  


"So, have I lost both my friends to Tatooine?"

  
Poe held up his hands in apology to the tiny, holographic figure of Finn projecting from his communicator. "I'm sorry. I..."

  
"Tatooine, man! Tatooine. The ass..."

  
"...end of the galaxy," Poe finished for him. "Yeah, yeah. But it's only been..." 

  
"A month. You said you were going to drop in for a few days, but it's been a month." 

"I know," Poe grimaced. "Believe me, I know." 

  
Finn frowned. "Is Rey okay?" 

  
Hesitating, Poe considered the question. Was Rey okay? How was he supposed to answer that in a way that wasn't lying, yet didn't make Finn hop the next transport to the Outer Rim, leaving Rose in the dust. 

  
The truth was that the tension in the tiny house in the desert was reaching critical levels of awkwardness. Rey had all but abandoned the hydro pump, preferring to spend her days meditating or running in the dunes, sometimes with BB-8 by her side, sometimes alone. She'd never asked him to go with her and he'd never volunteered. 

  
And the more time that passed, the smaller the house seemed, too small for the two of them and a droid. It seemed like they were always bumping into each other, either coming or going out of the kitchen or the bath. With each encounter and every close call, Poe felt something, that warm presence that he'd recognized during his one brief encounter with Force training.

  
He wanted to reach for it, to reach for her, but she'd put herself off limits. And he wasn't about to push her.

  
In fact, Rey didn't seem to be much better off than when he'd arrived and knowing that would have sent Finn into a panic.

  
So, Poe chose his words carefully. "Rey is going to be fine."

  
"Going to be?" Finn repeated. 

"Yeah, it's a process. On-going." Poe scratched his stubbled cheek. "She'll be okay."

  
Finn shook his head. "I don't like it."

  
Desperate to change the subject, Poe asked, "How's Rose?"

  
"Rose?"

  
"Rose? You remember her? Short, cute, good with tech..."

  
"I know who Rose is!" Seeing Finn looking flustered made Poe grin. "She's cooking me dinner tomorrow night."

  
Poe prodded a little more. "Like a date?" 

  
"It's just dinner."

  
"A dinner date."

  
Finn hesitated. "I think so."

  
"Man, that is great!" Poe exclaimed. "About time, too!"

  
"Yeah?" 

  
"Yeah. Trust me." Poe looked around the room; it was getting late. "Look, I gotta go. It's my turn to make our dinner."

  
"You cook?"

  
"A lot you don't know about me, my friend. Talk to you soon!" He reached out and turned off the communicator. 

  
Once Finn's image was gone, Poe sat back with a sigh. It was getting harder and harder to justify being here, but he couldn't leave. Not yet. 

  
He didn't want to leave. 

  
Rey was passing by his room as he opened the door. "Sorry!" she automatically said. "I was just..." She pointed in the direction of her room.

  
Poe pointed the opposite way. "Kitchen." 

  
She nodded. A moment passed. "Well...see you later." Ducking her head, she sneaked past him like she was invading a First Order ship.

  
"Rey, wait." Although she stopped, she didn't look back at him. He had to do something, had to reach her somehow. And in that moment, he spoke before he thought better of it. "Do you want to get out of here?" 

  
When she turned around, her brow was crinkled with confusion. "Where do you want to go?" 

  
A plan forming in his mind, Poe just grinned.

  
****

  
The Millennium Falcon seemed almost glad to see them. Definitely, she was glad to be back in the sky again. Sitting next to Rey in the cockpit, with BB-8 between them, Poe helped fire her up and watched as Rey expertly took off, heading for the atmosphere. 

  
When the colors of the evening sunset gave way to the inky black of space, Poe sat back in his chair and gazed at her. She was smiling. Not one of the reluctant, half-smiles she'd given him for weeks, but a real grin, full of life and joy. So pure. So beautiful. 

  
It warmed him all the way through to see it. And made his stomach flop like it hadn't since he was a kid. 

  
"I didn't realize," Rey said, looking out at the stars, "how much I missed this view. It's beautiful."

  
"Yeah," he echoed, still looking at her. Shaking out of his thoughts, he added a quick, "We're pilots, Rey. We're not supposed to stay on planet so long."

  
She glanced at him. "Thank you." 

  
"You're welcome." After a moment, Poe cleared his throat. "So, where are we going?"

  
Rey shook her head. "Can we just stay here?" 

  
He nodded. "Sure." Another moment passed. "In the cockpit?" 

  
She considered this for a moment. "Smells a bit...something, doesn't it?"

  
"Smells a bit Wookiee," Poe snorted. "Galley?" 

  
Rey was already putting the controls into autopilot mode. "BB-8, watch the skies. Race you there, Dameron."

  
****

  
He let her win and Rey wasn't sure how she felt about that fact. However, that didn't stop her from loudly proclaiming her victory as she slid into the seat around the holographic gaming table. "Too slow!" 

  
Leaning against the entrance to the galley with his arms crossed, Poe grinned. "Yep." 

  
Rey felt lighter than she had in years. Maybe it was all the meditation or the focus on training rather than moisture farming, but she was starting to feel a bit like her old self.  
Or maybe, and this thought made her sit up a little straighter, it was Poe. 

  
There was no denying that his presence on Tatooine was having an effect on her. The pain that she thought would consume her in her solitude was slowly morphing into a bearable ache. And when she was around Poe, she sometimes couldn't feel anything at all.

  
Except irritation, exasperation, and all the other emotions that Poe inspired. She once told him he was a difficult man; that hadn't changed. He still made her want to scream, especially when he accused her of keeping BB-8 out too long in the sun and sand. 

  
But something had changed between them. The same thing had happened with Ben, but it was so swift then, the change so big and so unexpected that she hadn't been able to ignore it.

  
This change was slow. Steady. It happened so subtly that Rey missed all the signs along the way, until she woke up one morning, the morning after their close call with the Trandoshan in Mos Eisley, and realized that she could remember her dreams. 

  
They'd been about Poe.

  
So, she meditated. She ran. She trained. She avoided him. She didn't know what else to do. She'd tried to keep her distance hoping that he would eventually give up on her.   
But instead, he'd found the one thing that she really needed. 

  
_We're pilots, Rey._ We. Not 'you and I' or 'you're,' but 'we.' 

  
"You want to play a game?" Rey said abruptly, indicating the table in front of her. 

  
He sauntered over to her. "Depends. Are you going to cheat like Chewie?"

  
"I don't have to cheat to beat you." 

  
Poe laughed and the sound made her cheeks feel hot. "We'll see about that." But rather than slide into the seat opposite her, he headed for the far end of the galley.

  
"What are you doing?"

  
"Found this when Finn and I took her on a run before the war ended." He lifted up a panel from the floor, rooted around inside, and eventually pulled out a bottle with a triumphant grin. "Corellian whiskey. I stashed it here for after we won." Coming back to her, he put the bottle on the table. "But then I forgot about it." 

  
"You want to drink it now?" 

  
"Yeah, I'd say we're long overdue celebrating." Poe sat down and turned the table on. Holographic creatures dotted the board, waiting for instruction. "Also, if you're so good, let's even the playing field. I eliminate your creatures, you take a drink." 

  
"And you drink when I destroy yours?"

  
Poe winked. "Game on." 

  
****

  
It didn't take long for the game to get heated.

  
"Go left!" Rey shouted at her tiny Rancor as it ambled across the board. "Left! Left, you idiot!"

  
Laughing, Poe directed his own Rancor. "Right two, left one."

  
They both watched with rapt attention as Poe's Rancor reached Rey's. She let out a cry of protest as her second to last piece was obliterated. "No!"

  
"Oh, yes!" he countered, reaching for the half-empty bottle and Rey's tiny glass. "Drink up!"

  
Her eyes were narrowed, but she took the shot when he'd refilled it, wincing as it burned a path down her throat. "I only have one piece left," she reminded him. 

  
"I am aware," he chuckled. "How're you feeling?"

  
"I'm fine," she said, waving off his concern.

  
"Need some more water?" 

  
Rey set her glass down with a smack. "How are you winning this game?" 

  
"Because..." He filled his own glass and tipped it back. "I'm really good and you really can't hold your liquor." 

  
Rey held up her finger. "First of all..." She paused, thinking hard. "You might have a point." 

  
"That I'm really good? Hell yeah, I am." 

  
She shook her head against the high back of the seat. "I've never been drunk before." 

  
"Lucky," Poe said. He pushed his glass of water towards her. "Drink this or you'll wake up swearing that this is the only time you'll ever be drunk." 

  
He watched her as she took a reluctant sip. Somehow, during the course of the game, they had both gradually shifted around the circular seat, until they found themselves side by side at the middle of the table. Now, her arm brushed his as she put the glass down. 

  
"It's nice," she declared, looking up at the ceiling. "This feeling...it's like floating." 

  
Although he wasn't at her level yet, Poe wasn't completely sober either. His tongue felt loose, a sure sign that he was in danger of saying something he'd regret. So he just sat back, head turned towards her, watching her, memorizing her relaxed expression. No angst, no sadness, no pressure. 

  
"You are beautiful," he said softly. 

  
Yep. Should have stayed quiet.

  
As he cursed himself and tried to think of a way to back track that wouldn't lead him to insulting her accidentally, Rey turned her chin, never lifting her head from the back of the seat, and stared at him.

  
He was too late to stop himself from falling, so he jumped. 

  
They were sitting so close that, with their heads turned towards each other, their faces were only inches apart. 

  
"Can I kiss you?" he whispered.

  
Only a second passed before Rey nodded. 

  
Sitting up just a bit, Poe reached out to cup her cheek in his hand, guiding their lips together. Her eyes closed at the second his mouth met hers and he thought, just for a moment, that he could hear her make the tiniest sound of pleasure. 

  
Warm and soft. The kiss grew deeper, despite their positions, in spite of the gaming table that almost pinned them in place. She reached for him, hesitantly putting her hand on his bicep as they kissed, eventually sliding it up, over his shoulder, into his hair. 

  
When they broke apart, their breaths mingled as they watched each other, looking back and forth between each other's eyes, searching for any signs of regret. Seeking permission to continue. 

  
Their mouths met again, harder this time, each having caught a craving that demanded to be satisfied. Without breaking the kiss, they both shifted, raising up on their knees on the padded bench. Facing each other now, with their bodies pressed together, their hands were free to explore.

  
She was so strong. Slender and soft, but strong. It felt incredibly right, what they were doing, what he was feeling, but a voice inside his head screamed at him. 

  
_Slow down!_

  
"Rey..." he murmured. His lips left hers, kissing her cheek, her ear, her fragrant hair. "I've wanted to do that for a long time..."

  
"Then..." She played with the top of his shirt, working her fingers under the material as she kissed him again. "...don't stop..."

  
Poe put his hand over hers and held her palm to his heart. "When you're sober, sweetheart, I'll take this as far as you want." 

  
Rey dragged her lower lip, plump from his kiss, between her teeth. "You don't want me?"

  
He frowned. "Woah, wait! No way did I say..." 

  
"It's okay." Pulling away from him, Rey scooted backwards around the table until he couldn't feel her warmth anymore. "I shouldn't have done this." 

  
"Rey," Poe started to follow her around the chair, but she was a step of ahead of him and had already slid out and stood up before he could catch her. "Rey, don't say that. Please." 

  
She touched her lips briefly before she started back towards the cockpit. "We really shouldn't burn anymore fuel." Helpless, he watched her pause before disappearing around the bend in the corridor. "I'll take us back." 

  
****

  
The journey back to Tatooine was so quiet that it worried BB-8. Unaware of what had happened while he monitored the ship's controls, he sat between Rey and Poe, swinging his round head back and forth, studying each of them, searching for an answer as to why they weren't speaking. 

  
Night had fallen on the planet and they broke atmo in darkness. As she guided the ship down, Poe reached for the blaster under the co-pilot's seat and checked the settings. Night time was not a good time to walk across the desert unprotected. Rey watched him out of the corner of her eye, but said nothing. 

  
They set out for the house with only the beam of light that BB-8 projected guiding their way. It was completely understandable, then, that they didn't notice what lay ahead until it was almost on them.

  
Rey felt it first. A grittiness in her mouth. Sand. Then it was in her eyes, stinging madly. She blinked, squeezed them shut. 

"Rey?" Poe broke the silence. "What is this?" She heard him spit. "What the..." 

  
"Shh!" The sound she could now hear was unmistakable. She'd heard it before, many times on Jakku. It was a sound that promised pain and destruction.

  
"Sandstorm." 

  
They were closer to the house than the Falcon. Without thinking, Rey grabbed his hand. "BB-8, run!!" 

  
****

  
TBC


	6. Make You Feel My Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He was convinced she was going to turn him away, but just before he'd decided to give up and take back his request, she took a step backwards, inviting him inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.
> 
> Notes: Nothing much to say except that I hope you enjoy it. And that you've read the tags, all of them.

****

  
_I know you haven't made your mind up yet_  
_But I would never do you wrong_  
_I've known it from the moment that we met_  
_No doubt in my mind where you belong_

  
_\- Adele, Make You Feel My Love_

  
****

  
They made it to the house, but only just. Working silent and swiftly, as if they had done it a thousand times before, Rey and Poe only just managed to secure all the doors and window hatches in the living quarters before the storm hit. 

  
The roar of sand raging above their heads, battering the exposed entrances, was deafening. Instinctively, they had gathered at the central point of the house, where a bend in the corridor that connected all the rooms offered the most shelter. 

  
Poe looked around, searching for any weak spots, where the sounds of the storm seemed louder. "How long do these last?" he asked. 

  
Rey hesitated before replying, "The average on Jakku was about four days." 

  
"Four days." He ran his hand through his hair, shaking sand loose. "Four days..."

  
BB-8 chirped and beeped. 

  
She nodded. "Sure, Tatooine could be different."

  
"Great..." Resigned to their fate, Poe glanced at her, meeting her eyes for the first time since the Falcon. "Are you hungry?" 

  
Rey quickly looked away. "No." There was a pause. "I'm going to meditate." 

  
Poe indicated the overwhelming sound all around them. "You could meditate in this?" When she nodded, he sighed. "Rey, we need to talk about..."

  
"I told you...that was a mistake." She backed up, towards her room. "I'm sorry." 

  
"I'm not." His Adam's apple bobbed above the scarf around his neck as he swallowed heavily. "Rey..."

  
Tears stung her eyes, but was it because sand remained in them or because he chose that moment to reach out his hand to hers, silently asking her to take it. 

  
_Join me...please..._

  
Rey shook her head. "I can't." She reached her door and felt behind her back for the latch. "I'm sorry," she whispered again as she disappeared inside, slamming the door shut behind her. 

  
**** 

  
The sun rose in the morning, but they didn’t notice. The house stayed just as dark as it had been all night, as the storm continued to rage above and around them. 

  
After another sleepless night, Poe wasn't hungry in the slightest, but he went through the motions of preparing breakfast as the wind and sand rattled the kitchen door that led to the courtyard. He rehydrated bread, sliced and arranged fruit, and poured a cup of blue milk. 

  
Carrying it all on a tray, Poe approached Rey's door and knocked on it with his foot. "I made breakfast." There was no reply.

  
BB-8, who had been shadowing Poe since he'd woken up, clicked and beeped helplessly.

  
Maybe it was the sad sounds the droid was making or maybe she was hungry, whatever it was, Poe couldn't stop from smiling when the door slid open. 

  
Rey had let her hair down in the night; it hung just below her shoulders. It had grown since the last time he'd seen it out of her buns. There were dark circles under her eyes--he hadn't been the only one who'd had trouble sleeping through the storm. 

  
"We don't have to talk," he said. "But can I come in?" 

  
He was convinced she was going to turn him away, but just before he'd decided to give up and take back his request, she took a step backwards, inviting him inside. 

  
Either she hadn't slept in the big bed or she'd already made it; the covers were neatly pulled up and the pillows were stacked precisely. Rey perched on the corner and watched as he put the tray down on a small table and sat in the chair next to it, BB-8 at his side.

  
Poe cleared his throat and indicated the tray. "Ladies first?"

  
Rey rolled her eyes...but she did reach out and grab a slice of fruit. 

  
"So," Poe said, helping himself to one, too. "I checked all the entrances. Everything seems to be holding up."  
She nodded, nibbling on her slice. 

  
"We've got enough food for the next couple of days," he went on, around a mouthful of fruit. He swallowed. "Especially if you keep eating like that." 

  
Rey looked down at the piece she'd barely bitten into and frowned. "I thought you said we weren't going to talk."

  
"I lied." 

  
Despite herself, she wanted to smile. He was impossible. And impossible to ignore.

  
"Look, we don't have to talk about us..." Her eyebrow arched. "I promise."

  
"Then what?" 

  
"I don't know," he admitted. "Anything. Everything. Tell me about Jakku."

  
"It's hot," she said. "I don't recommend it."

  
He nodded while tearing apart a slice of rehydrated bread. "Good to know. How'd you learn to fly?" 

  
"I just...paid attention at the outpost. Learned what parts made a ship work."

  
Poe kept nodding as she spoke. When she finished, he offered her the other half of his bread. 

  
"Why are you always trying to feed me?" Rey snapped. "Seriously, ever since you arrived, if you're not talking my ear off, you are shoving food in my face! What is with that?!"

  
He lowered his hand, still holding the bread. "I don't know," he admitted. "I guess...I just..."

  
When he didn't go on, she pressed him. "You just what?"

  
Poe swallowed. "Finn told me once that you scavenged on Jakku to get food. I know what scavengers are paid and it's not a lot. You were young when you started and you were alone...weren't you?"

  
Rey looked away, but said nothing.

  
"I had a mom, a dad. Neither of them were great cooks, but they made sure I was fed, every day." He hesitated, looking down at the bread in his hands. "I guess I thought..." He looked up and met her eyes. "It's time someone makes sure you're fed." 

  
It only took her a few seconds to make the decision and then to cross the space between them, but he had time to stand up, to be waiting for her. Her hands found him first, plunging into his hair, bringing his mouth down to meet hers. 

  
Neither of them were aware of BB-8 rolling out of the room.

  
Food was forgotten; the only hunger that mattered was for each other. Their kiss was mad, desperate. As if picking right back from where they left off in the Falcon, Rey tugged at his shirt, yanking it from the waist of his trousers. 

  
Their mouths parted only long enough for her to lift it over his head. It landed on the floor carelessly.

  
He walked her back to the bed until she felt the edge on the back of her knees. Breaking the kiss, she twisted around him and pushed him down until he fell back, landing on the soft mattress.

  
Poe sat up on his elbows and watched as she crawled up and sat on his stomach. "You sure about this?"

  
Rey didn't answer. She was too busy looking over all the flesh she'd bared. Her gaze stopped on the silver ring suspended from the chain around his neck. "I've always wondered what this is." 

  
Balancing himself on one elbow, he reached for the ring and held it up between his fingers. "It was my mother's. Her wedding ring."

  
"Your parents must have been happy."

  
Poe nodded. "Yeah. They were." 

  
"My parents..." She stopped, unable to continue.

  
He sat up all the way, causing her slide into his lap. "It's okay," he soothed. "You don't have to say."

  
Rey looked at him with teary eyes. They faced each other, her legs on either side of him, his arms around her protectively.

  
It was so easy to kiss him again. To lose herself in the feel of his lips, the taste of his mouth, the warmth spreading through her body. Her heart beat so rapidly as his kisses moved down her neck that she thought it might just eventually stop.

  
Her white shirt was tight-fitting, molding to her body. His hands traced her curves, only growing bolder when she gasped and clutched his hair tighter. Drawing back, Rey crossed her arms and pulled her shirt off, leaving her in just the bindings that covered her breasts.

  
It was an invitation. And he gladly accepted. 

  
He rolled their bodies, switching places smoothly, until his body covered hers. She drew her leg up, sliding it against his side as they kissed slowly, deeply. 

  
"Rey," he murmured between kisses. "Is this too fast?" 

  
She shook her head against the pillows. Kissing him again, she nipped at his lower lip, eliciting a growl that made her tingle. "I want this."

  
"This..." He ran his tongue over the place where her neck met her shoulder; her nails dug into his bare shoulders. "Or me?" 

  
Rey's eyes opened slowly. "What do you mean?"

  
Although it killed him, Poe lifted his head and looked down at her. "Honey...I want to make sure you're sure about this. I don't want you to do this just because you..." He stopped, suddenly realizing what he was about to say. Something he wasn't supposed to know.

  
"Just because I what?" She wriggled underneath him, struggling to sit up. "Just because I what, Poe?"

  
He rolled onto his side, taking his weight off her. If they were going to be lovers, he owed her the truth. "I know what happened to you on Exegol."

  
"Everyone who was on Exegol is dead," she said, her voice flat. 

  
"Except you." Poe covered her hand with his; she didn't pull away, but she didn't respond to his touch. "But you did die...didn't you?" 

  
There was a flicker of pain in her eyes and he immediately regretted his words. "You can't know that," she whispered. "No one knows that..."

  
"Except him." 

  
Rey let out a ragged breath she'd been holding in. "What are you saying? You've...you've seen Ben?" Poe nodded reluctantly. "Ben came to you...he spoke to you?"

  
"I didn't ask for it, Rey," he said. "I swear."

  
"But I did!" She pushed him away, scrambling to stand up. Once on her feet, she wrapped her arms around her bound chest, as if shielding herself. "I begged him...all I wanted...to see him..." Rey looked at him with accusation in her wet eyes. "But he came to you!" He opened his mouth to reply, but she went on. "Why would he do that? Is it because saving my life killed him?" She looked up at the ceiling as she lost her battle with her tears. They spilled down her cheeks. "I killed him...I'm the reason he's gone..." 

  
Poe stood up, but her body language told him to keep his distance. "It was not your fault! You deserved to live!"

  
"And he didn't?" Rey shook her head. "You don't understand." 

  
With one hand on his hip, Poe ran his other through his hair in exasperation. "I know you had this connection, but he was..."

  
"I know what he was." Her tears reached her mouth, washing away the taste of his kiss. "I know what he did. But I loved him. He was the other half of me." She paused. "I'll always love him." 

  
Poe was no stranger to rejection. He'd been turned down by more people than he could count. But his heart had never been broken...until that moment.

  
It felt as if they stood there, silent, for an eternity, neither one of them willing to take another step in any direction. They were surrounded by emotional landmines and too many had already blown up.

  
Finally, Poe spoke, his voice barely audible over the sounds of the storm. "Once this passes, it's time for me to go."

  
He bent down and picked up his shirt. She watched him walk to the door. "Poe..."

  
"Don't worry. I won't let Finn come here and disturb you." He didn't look back as he promised, "We'll leave you alone."

  
When he shut the door behind him, Rey's knees gave out from under her. She slid down, landing on the bed, and gave in to her tears. 

  
****

  
TBC


	7. Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Her mind was a mess, but one thing she knew for certain. 
> 
> It had been the right to tell him the truth. He deserved better than someone who might never be whole again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.
> 
> Notes: Well, we've reached the chapter that made me want to write this story at all. And yet...it was the hardest chapter to write. I hope you enjoy it:)

****

  
_You've been the only thing that's right_  
_In all I've done_  
_Even if you cannot hear my voice_  
_I'll be right beside you, dear_

  
_\- Snow Patrol, Run_

  
****

  
The sandstorm raged for three days. Then, just as suddenly as it had descended upon them, it was gone, leaving behind clear skies and a house half-buried in sand. 

  
Poe hadn't brought much with him, but his bag was packed. His plan, once he pried a door open, was just to go. There was no need for goodbyes--he hadn't seen Rey since he'd left her room. BB-8 had delivered food to her; he wasn't about to let her starve, but he also wasn't about to put himself in another hopeless situation. 

  
It was time to leave. It was time to go back to whatever passed for home and get on with his life. 

  
Whatever that could be now.

  
He was in the middle of prying the kitchen door open when he heard her behind him. "You're taking BB-8?"

  
Poe didn't turn around. Beside him, BB-8 beeped. "He's just helping me," he said. "The door's stuck." He paused. "You could help, too, you know." He half-glanced over his shoulder. "The sooner you do, the sooner I can go."

  
The door, which had been unmovable until then, slid open, releasing a flood of sand that almost knocked Poe off his feet. He chuckled bitterly after recovering his balance. "Thanks." He swung his bag over his shoulder. "Well...take care of yourself." 

  
"Poe." He stopped, halfway up the small hill of sand that covered the kitchen floor. Her voice was quiet, but steady. "You should take BB-8. He's yours, after all." 

  
Finally, Poe turned around, but he still wouldn't look her in the eye. He couldn't. "You need him more than I do."

"I'll be fine." 

  
BB-8's beep was mournful. He just kept looking back and forth between them, a child whose parents were separating forever. 

  
"I'm not making him choose," Poe said. "He wants to stay with you."

  
Rey's arms were crossed over her stomach as she addressed the droid. "Go with Poe." BB-8 chirped in protest. "Please. Don't worry about me." 

  
The little droid hung his head, but rolled up the sand dune, coming to rest next to Poe's leg. 

  
Poe shook his head. "If that's what you want." Another moment passed as he gathered up his strength. It took everything he had to walk out the door with just a casual, "See you around."

  
He set out across the sand, with BB-8 trailing behind him, leaving the house in the desert behind.

  
His X-wing was where he'd left it, mercifully still upright and only buried in sand on the right side, the direction from which the storm had hit it. He was able to climb into the cockpit from the left side and BB-8 even had enough room to maneuver under the ship and up into position. 

  
For once, being behind the controls of a ship brought him no joy.

  
And back at the house, buried under her pillow, Rey couldn't hear the X-wing taking off, but she knew, all too well, when she could no longer sense his presence on the planet.

  
****

  
A day passed. Then, another. Rey meditated. She ate the leftovers that Poe had put in stasis until she was back down to rations. She slept. She existed. Nothing more. 

  
She wished she hadn't sent BB-8 away, but the next second, she was glad she had. The silence was torture; the silence was a comfort. She regretted what had nearly happened between her and Poe; she wished it had gone further. 

  
Her mind was a mess, but one thing she knew for certain. 

  
It had been the right to tell him the truth. He deserved better than someone who might never be whole again.

  
_And what do you deserve, Rey?_

  
She could hear the question in Poe's voice. What did she deserve? She didn't know. But a normal life--if any life could really be normal--didn't seem possible for her. The power she'd been gifted, the things she'd done in the name of the Force, the legacy of her birth, the connection that kept her anchored to Ben...it was too much to expect anyone to share those burdens with her. 

  
Especially someone she cared about...someone she could have loved.

  
Sunsets found her perched on an outcropping of rock, not too far from the entrance to the house. It was a good place to meditate and to watch the suns slowly sink from view. The colors that painted the sky were rich and fiery, but somehow soft and warm, too. A bit like Poe himself. Hot-headed, but with a core of compassion and tenderness. 

  
She shook her head. What was the point of thinking that? She'd made her choice. 

  
Still, a single tear slipped down her cheek.

  
As Rey reached to wipe it away, she caught a glimpse of a blue light appearing next to her. 

  
Sighing, she closed her eyes. "Master Luke." 

  
"No, Rey." 

  
Her breath caught in her throat. It was a trick of her mind. She must have drifted off watching the sunset because that voice...

  
"It's not you." Squeezing her eyes shut, she shook her head. "I'm dreaming."

  
"Rey, please...look at me." 

  
Ever so slowly, Rey's eyes opened...and when she saw Ben sitting next to her, a blue whisper, but actually present, her stomach dropped. Her hand shot to her mouth as she studied him, unable to believe what she was seeing. 

  
He appeared to her almost exactly as she'd last seen him alive. Clad in black, his hair long, but not unruly. But the scar she'd given him was gone; his face was younger. Lighter. 

  
"Ben..." she finally whispered. Her throat was thick with unshed tears. She had no idea what to say, no idea if she could even form words. Yet a moment later, they tumbled out, unbidden. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." 

  
He frowned. "Sorry? For what?" 

  
"I..." She bit her lip. "I wasn't...strong enough. To kill him without..." Rey shook her head again. "If I'd lived, you would have..." 

  
"Rey, no." Ben closed his own eyes as if in pain. "This is all my fault. I should have come to you sooner." 

  
"Why didn't..." Rey stopped, unwilling to ask a question she wasn't sure she wanted answered. "Why are you here now?" 

  
He looked at the sunset for a long moment. "Because I can't stay away anymore." 

  
"You were staying away, then." 

  
Ben nodded. "I thought it would be easier for you." 

  
"Easier..." Out of nowhere, Rey began to laugh. "Easier for me..." 

  
He watched her laughing as if it was the strangest thing he'd ever seen. "I can see I was wrong." 

  
Rey wiped her eyes as the last gasping laughs drained away. "I have looked for you everywhere, Ben. Around every corner, in every strange face, in every dream. I have been waiting for you to come to me...and every day that you didn't, I told myself that you blamed me, that you regretted giving your life to save mine."

  
"Rey...stop."

  
Instinctively, she reached for him, but rather than brush his cheek, her fingers slid right through him. Her hand trembled as she lowered it to her lap. "It's not fair."

  
"I know." 

  
A spark of fury that she thought she'd smothered flared to life in her chest. "You said we were, what, a dyad? Two that are one."

  
He inclined his chin. "Yes." 

  
"But you're gone!" she shouted. "I'm here and you're gone. So what was the point of it all? Of us having that...of finding it, just to lose it?" Rey pressed her hand to her stomach, where he'd coaxed life back into her body. "If I'm not whole without you, why bring me back?" 

  
"You are whole without me." 

  
"Really?" She licked the salty tears from her lip. "Are you sure? Because it doesn't feel like it. It feels like half of me has been ripped away and I'm just...bleeding out. Waiting to die." 

  
Ben was quiet for a long time, his eyes closed. She watched him through her tears, afraid to blink. Afraid that if she did, he would disappear in the half-second she couldn't see him.

  
But as she watched him, the blue light that illuminated him began to slowly fade. His clothes, his body his face...they became opaque, taking on color. Shape. 

  
When Ben finally opened his eyes, he reached for her...brushing solid fingers against her jaw. 

  
The contact was so unexpected, so shocking that Rey scrambled to her feet. 

  
Ben stood up as well. "Don't be frightened." 

  
"I'm not." As if to prove this to him, Rey took a step towards him. "You touched me. Really touched me." When he nodded, she raised her hand, her palm extended straight up. "Show me again."

  
Ben lifted a hand as well. Slowly, he moved it towards hers until their palms met. Instinctively, their fingers entwined. A shiver ran down Rey's spine. "Ben...how are you..."

  
He cut her off by pulling her body towards his by their joined hands and kissing her hard enough to take her breath away. 

  
When their lips parted, Ben touched his forehead to hers. "I wanted to do this for so long," he confessed. He kissed her again, even more desperately. 

  
The kiss she'd given him on Exegol was nothing compared to this...and yet... Rey tried to lose herself in the moment; it was everything she'd wanted for so long. But there was something missing. 

  
Warmth. On Exegol, his lips had been warm. Now they were just...there. Not cold or even cool, but it was as if they had no temperature at all. 

  
What did it matter, she told herself. Ben was there, solid and real, and that was enough. 

  
Wasn't it?

  
Breaking the kiss, Rey sank down onto the sand again. Ben followed her, kneeling down next to her. "What's wrong?" 

  
"I can feel you," she whispered. She lifted her head and brushed her lips against his. "This is real, right?" When he said nothing, she touched his cheek. "Ben?"

  
His reply, when it came, was choked up. "I don't know how long I can do this. I'm sorry. It's taking everything I have." 

  
Fresh pain stabbed her heart. "Why did you come? Why are you doing this?" 

  
"Because...I'm selfish." She opened her mouth to correct him, but he cut her off. "Don't be blind to what Ben Solo truly was. You have to know how much hate was in my heart. Palpatine..." She flinched at his name. "...he could only manipulate what was already there. I resented my father, I despised what my mother stood for. I hated them for sending me away. I hated my uncle for putting limitations on my power." His eyes were haunted. "So I destroyed them all. And I would have destroyed you, too, if..."

  
"If?" she whispered.

  
"Do I have to say it? Can't you feel it?"

  
Rey nodded. "I always could."

  
The sky grew dark around them, but neither of them noticed. 

  
"Rey," Ben said after a few moments. "You have to let me go." 

  
"What?" She reached for him. "Ben, don't..." 

  
He grabbed her hands before she could touch him and brought them up to his lips. "This is the only time I will come to you. I swear it. I am not going to let you spend your whole life missing me. I am selfish, but I'm not that cruel."

  
"You don't get it!" She threw off his grip and touched her chest. "I am never going to be whole, Ben." 

  
"If I thought that could be true," he said quietly. "I wouldn't have brought you back." 

  
Rey's chin dropped. "Maybe you shouldn't have."

  
"I would do it again." She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. "Even knowing I would die." He paused. "It's the only thing I ever did that was worthy of the power I had." 

  
After a moment, he touched her wet cheek again. She felt his fingers make contact, but barely. His solidity--it was slipping away. "Ben, please don't go. I don't know what to do next."

  
"Get off Tatooine," he said. "Leave me here. Go back to the people who need you." 

  
"You want me to move on?"

  
"I want you to live." Leaning forward, Ben kissed her, but she couldn't feel it. His lips were ghostly. Transparent. "You think you killed me? No, Rey. You saved me from myself.” He smiled. "Let me do the same."

  
"Ben, I..." She blinked without thinking about it. In that half second her eyes were closed, he disappeared. When she opened them again, she was alone. 

  
Alone in the brilliant blue of twilight, Rey let her last tears for Ben Solo fall. 

  
****

  
The night air drove her back inside. She wandered the empty hall, intending to head for her bedroom, but instead she found herself at the doorway to his. 

  
He'd left nothing behind, but Rey could feel Poe in every corner of the room. In the unmade bed, in the pillow that was dented in the shape of his head, in the hint of spicy aftershave that lingered in the air. 

  
She sat down on the edge of the bed, running her hand over the sheet, tracing the impression on his pillow. 

  
Suddenly, all at once, she was very tired of being alone. 

  
Without thinking, Rey shot to her feet and took off down the hall. Gathering up her things, her light saber, her staff, and the few clothes she had, she left the house, barely taking the time to secure the doors. Running as fast as she could, she crossed the desert, heading for the Falcon. 

  
It was time to go home. 

  
****

  
TBC


	8. Reflecting Light

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He lived with these thoughts. They plagued him during the day and tortured him at night. His dreams were a mixture of the memory of her kiss and vivid pictures of what could have happened if he hadn't been such an idiot as to stop her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.
> 
> Notes: Enjoy... ;)

****

  
_I rode the pain down_  
_Got off and looked up_  
_Looked into your eyes_

  
_\- Sam Phillips, Reflecting Light_

  
****

  
Only a couple of dozen former Resistance members were still on Ajan Kloss, months after the Battle of Exegol. The ones who were left had stayed for a myriad of reasons--some were charged with closing down the base, some just liked the planet's tropical weather, and there were a few who simply had nowhere else to go, having lost family, friends or their homes in the war. 

  
And some, like Finn and Rose, were just waiting.

  
In Finn's quarters, Rose refilled their java cups and brought his to the little table at which he sat. He was deep in thought, so she just put the cups down and took a seat. 

  
She had just decided to break the silence when they heard footsteps outside the tent. Exchanging a look, they both stood up as the flap opened and Lieutenant Connix stuck her head inside.

  
"Sorry, Finn, Rose...but something's just come up on radar. A ship, requesting landing permission." She paused. "It's the Millennium Falcon."

Abandoning his drink, Finn brushed past Connix and ran outside. Connix looked at Rose with sympathetic eyes, but Rose just shook her head. "It's okay, Kay."  


"Yeah?" her friend asked, skeptical. "If my boyfriend was that excited to see..."

  
Rose smiled as she gently cut her off, "Trust me. Nothing to worry about there." 

  
When Rose caught up with Finn, the Falcon was just about to touch down in the jungle clearing. Finn reached for Rose's hand as the ship landed and the entrance ramp descended to the ground.

  
A moment later, Rey emerged. 

  
"Rey!" Finn shouted. 

  
She searched for him and when their eyes met, she cried, "Finn!," and ran. 

  
Giving Rose's hand a squeeze, Finn broke away from her to meet Rey halfway. Gathering his friend up in his arms, he lifted her off the ground. "I can't believe you're here!" he exclaimed.

  
Holding on to him just as tightly, Rey buried her face in his collar for a long moment. When he finally set her down, she still held onto his arms. "I've missed you so much--you have no idea."

  
Finn wrapped her up in another hug and kissed the top of her head. "Yeah, I think I do." 

  
Having given them a moment, Rose approached them. "Hey, Rose," Rey said, smiling at her as she lifted her head from Finn's shoulder. She reached out her hand to the other woman.

  
Rose took it with a genuine smile. "It's really good to see you, Rey." 

  
"You, too." Drawing back from Finn, she suddenly asked, "Where's Poe?" 

  
Finn's eyes darted to Rose. "Um..." 

  
Coming to his rescue, Rose asked Rey, "Do you want to freshen up? Have something to eat, maybe?"

  
"No. Thanks." Rey looked at her best friend again. "Finn, where's Poe? He's...he's okay, right? Right?!" 

  
Finn held up his hands to calm her. "He's fine. He's just...not here." 

  
"What? Where is he?" When Finn hesitated, Rey turned to Rose, the same question in her eyes. 

  
"He stopped by a few days ago just to pick up the last of his stuff," Rose told her. "He was heading back to Yavin 4." Answering another unspoken question, Rose continued, "That's where he's from...but you probably know that."

  
She didn't, but she didn't let on. Her heart beat fast, but her mind was already made up. "Finn, I'm sorry...I have to go." 

  
"No. No way, Rey. You just got here!" 

  
"At least stay the night," Rose implored her. "Get a fresh start in the morning." 

  
Rey shook her head. "I can't." She threw her arms around Finn again. "I'll be in touch soon, I promise."

  
With a resigned sigh, Finn just held her for another long moment. "Stay safe." 

  
She stepped back and gave him a smile. Turning on her heel, Rey raced back to the Falcon.

  
When Rey was out of earshot, Rose came up beside Finn and snaked her arm around his waist. "I told you so." 

  
Finn wrapped his own arm around her shoulders and pulled her close as the Falcon lifted off. "Yep--you called it."

  
****

  
Rey had never been to Yavin 4, but it wasn't hard to find the moon or the sizable colony on it. It had a terrain not too dissimilar to Ajan Kloss, but she couldn't see much of it. She emerged from the dense, grey cloud cover only to find that it was raining, heavily and steadily. 

  
She landed on the outskirts of what was very nearly a city. After securing her light saber to her belt and pulling up the white hood of her shirt, Rey left the warmth of the ship to begin her search. 

  
Only a few people were out in the pouring rain and none of them could tell her where to find Poe. 

  
Her last shot before she had to think of another plan was the lone shop that was open, a stand that seemed to specialize in hot teas. There was a line of people in front of her--none of whom knew Poe. By the time Rey reached the front, her teeth were chattering. 

  
"What can I get you, love?" the proprietor asked. 

  
"Do you know where I could find Poe Dameron?" Rey asked, hugging herself for warmth. 

  
The man frowned. "Not sure about a Poe, but I know a Kes Dameron." He pointed east. "He lives about a mile that way, big house, with a glowing tree. You can't miss it." 

  
Rey tried to smile, but her lips were too cold. "Thank you."

  
"Hey," the man called her back. Reaching down from the stand, he handed her a paper cup with a lid. "Drink this. It'll warm you up." She reached for the pouch hanging at her leg to retrieve some credits, but the man added, "On the house." 

  
She nodded her gratitude and set off into the rain again.

  
The man wasn't exaggerating; by the time she'd finished the cup, she could barely feel the cold. A minute later, Rey found herself at the gate to a large, expansive property made up of several buildings clumped around a fifteen foot tree that, like promised, glowed. 

  
Rey stared up at it. Something about the tree called to her...

  
She was so engrossed in trying to figure it out that she didn't notice someone approaching her. "Can I help you?" 

  
Blinking in surprise, Rey focused on the older man standing on the other side of the gate. His face was familiar, but she knew she'd never seen him before. "I'm sorry to bother you. I'm looking for Poe Dameron. You wouldn't happen to know him, would you?"

  
The older man broke into a huge grin. "I like to think I do. I'm Kes. His father. And you must be Rey." Without waiting for her to confirm this, he opened up the gate. "Please. Come inside. Get out of the rain." 

  
Rey followed him into the warm house. Although she felt guilty for tracking in water, Kes didn't seem to notice. He just held out his hand for her empty cup. "Is Poe here?" she asked, lowering her hood.

  
As if he wanted to answer the question himself, BB-8 rolled into the room, beeping and chirping frantically. Rey dropped to her knees and ran her hand over his head in apology. "I know, I'm sorry! I've missed you, too." 

  
Kes chuckled. "Yeah, he's here. In the kitchen." He pointed down the hall. "Go ahead." 

  
Rey stood up. Smoothing the wet tendrils of hair back from her face, she started walking in the direction he'd pointed. 

  
Kes looked down at BB-8. "Want to help me out in the workshop, buddy?" 

  
****

  
Poe might have been chopping vegetables, but his mind was a million light years away. On Tatooine. 

  
It was the worst time for him to space out; any little slip in his concentration and he could have lost a thumb, but he couldn't help it. 

  
_I shouldn't have left. I shouldn't have left her. Why did I leave her!_

  
He lived with these thoughts. They plagued him during the day and tortured him at night. His dreams were a mixture of the memory of her kiss and vivid pictures of what could have happened if he hadn't been such an idiot as to stop her. But all that waited for him at the end of the dream was fresh regret every time he woke up only to find himself in his childhood bedroom. Alone. 

  
He threw down his knife in frustration and reached for his ale, taking a long swallow, calming himself before he returned to the task.

  
Poe was just about to pick the knife back up when he heard her voice.

  
"Do you have anything to eat?" His head shot up. "I'm starving."

  
Forgetting to breathe, Poe turned around. Rey stood at entrance to the kitchen, in his father's house, on Yavin 4... soaking wet, but smiling. It was too much to be believed. 

  
"What are you doing here?" he asked, his throat thick. 

  
"I needed to see you," she replied, softly. "Poe, I'm..."

  
"How did you find me?" he cut her off. 

  
She blinked. "Um, Finn." 

  
Poe scowled. "I told him to leave you alone, Rey. I swear." Muttering under his breath, he added, "I guess he wants his ass kicked..." 

  
"Finn didn't call me." She took a hesitant step into the kitchen. "I went to Ajan Kloss, but you weren't there. Rose said you came here."

  
He nodded, but said nothing. 

  
"Your father let me in," she continued, filling the silence. "You look so much like him." 

  
"So I've been told." 

  
Rey took another step towards him. "I know you're upset with me and you have every..."

  
"I'm not upset."

  
She frowned. "You're not?"

  
"Why would I be?" he said, nonchalantly. 

  
"Well...because I..." Rey started again, "I told you that I...after we'd almost..." 

  
"Almost," Poe repeated. "Not quite. We're not lovers, Rey. We don't owe each other anything." 

  
She dragged her lower lip between her teeth. "We don't." 

  
"Nope," he said. "So while it's good you left Tatooine, you really didn't need to come all this way. But if you want, stay for dinner. There's a spare room you can have if you want to stay the night, too." 

  
Rey took a step back. "No. I...um...I should go." She tried to smile, but it didn't reach her eyes. "It's really nice here. I can see why you wanted to go home." A moment passed, a moment where he could have stopped her, but didn't. "Goodbye, Poe." 

  
Poe stared at the empty doorway after she'd disappeared from view. It was only when he heard the front door open and close that he realized what he'd done.

  
"Shit!" 

  
Breaking into a run, Poe followed her out of the house and into the rain. She was already at the gate when he shouted, "Why did you need to see me?" 

  
Rey turned around, blinking water out of her eyes. Before she could answer, he'd covered the distance between them. "Rey, why are you here?" 

  
"I saw Ben," she said after a second. "After you left."

  
The rain didn't leave him anywhere near as cold as he felt upon hearing that. Still, he said, "I'm glad. That's what you wanted."

  
"I thought that, too." 

  
Poe's chest rose and fell as water dripped down his face. "What do you mean?" 

  
She looked over his shoulder, as if gathering her thoughts. "Ben is dead," she finally said. "He's never coming back." 

  
"But...you'll always love him." Poe swallowed. "Right?"

  
"I don't think...that means I can't love anyone else." She looked up at him. "Maybe even more than him." 

  
He didn't ask permission. He didn't need to. The look in her eye was enough. Poe reached for her through the rain, drawing her body to his. Their mouths met, like friends reuniting. 

  
The wet kiss grew stronger until Poe realized that Rey's entire body was shivering. He drew back only to see that her lips were practically turning blue in spite of his kiss. 

  
Taking her hand, Poe lead her back into the house. Before she could thank him, he kissed her again and, without breaking contact, lifted her off the ground. 

  
She hung on, kissing him madly as he moved through the hall, making his way to his bedroom. Once inside, Poe set her back on her feet and kicked the door closed. "Tell me if you don't want this," he said, his voice guttural. He yanked at the wet scarf around his neck. "Rey..." 

  
He could feel her heart beating fast as she pressed her chest to him, brushing a kiss across his lips. "I want this," she breathed into his ear. "I want you." 

  
It was the only thing he'd wanted to hear for months. 

  
Her clothes were appropriate for the desert, white and gauzy and, as he discovered when she pulled off her white, hooded shirt, practically see-through when wet. 

  
Poe's shirt joined hers on the floor. As her fingers explored the planes of his chest, he reached for the edge of the wraps that bound her chest. When she nodded, he untucked the end and peeled them away from her skin. 

  
She took what was left of his breath away. "So beautiful," he whispered. He traced his finger down the slope of her small breast. "Perfect." 

  
Their mouths melded again. Rey was trembling, but it wasn't from the cold she realized as Poe lowered her to the bed. She reached for him and he answered, his body covering hers. 

  
Completing her. 

  
****

  
Neither of them noticed when the rain stopped. The universe had shrunk down to the exact dimensions of Poe's bed, and the population was just the two of them. Under the covers, with their bodies entwining and their breath mingling, nothing else seemed to matter. There was no sound they could hear but the murmurs of discovery and pleasure.

Finally, in a moment of shared stillness, Rey lifted her head from Poe's shoulder. "It stopped raining." 

  
He kissed her tangled, now only slightly damp hair. "You know, I will never hate the rain again." 

  
She smiled and stretched--the movement brought both soreness and satisfaction. "Me neither."

  
Poe held her close, looking up at the dark ceiling. He didn't want the moment to end, but now that everything had changed between them, he needed to know. 

  
"Rey."

She pressed a lazy kiss near his flat nipple. "Hmm?"

  
"What made you leave Tatooine?"

  
Rey turned her nose into his chest, inhaling the clean scent of his skin. After a moment, she sat up. Poe tried to sit up, too, but she put her hand over his heart to hold him down.

  
"After Exegol," she started, "I thought...I will never be a whole person again. There was a part of me that Ben took with him when he died...and I thought nothing could ever replace it." He reached for her, but could only stroke her arm. "But then you showed up...uninvited..." 

  
He grinned. "Sorry."

  
"And I don't know how it happened and I didn't realize it until it was too late and you were gone," Rey continued, tears gathering in her eyes. "But you stepped right into that missing piece. Maybe it wasn't a perfect fit, maybe there are still gaps that won't ever go away, but..." 

  
Poe shushed her before the tears could fall. "I understand."

  
"Yeah?" 

  
Nodding, he reached for her, guiding her back down to his body. She tucked her head under his chin as he explained, "When my mom died, she took a part me with her, too. And since then, it's mostly filled up again--becoming a pilot like her, helping to win the war she would have fought, finding my friends--" He traced her smooth, bare shoulder with the tips of his fingers, making her shiver. "You... But still. There are gaps, like you said." With a swift movement, Poe rolled their bodies, rising up over her again. "That's where the people we loved and lost live, Rey. In those places in our hearts that no one can completely fill. No matter how much we love them."

  
She brushed her thumb across his mouth; her breath caught when he captured it between his teeth and nipped at her flesh. 

  
Giving into the hunger again, it would be a long time before they rejoined the rest of the world. 

  
****

  
TBC

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked that! If you are curious about the glowing tree and don't already know or haven't read the comic, it's a Force tree, grown from a cutting of the original tree at the Jedi Temple. It was given to Poe's family for safekeeping by Luke Skywalker after the first war. No wonder people, myself included, think Poe is Force-sensitive!


	9. Bring Me To Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She might have called herself Skywalker now, but Rey wasn't completely ready to give up on the idea of her own family. He could understand. She'd spent half of her life on Jakku, counting days and watching the skies, waiting for them. Dreams like that weren't so easy to let go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Characters contained within do not belong to me.
> 
> Notes: Thank you. From the bottom of my heart. There's a finite number of hours in the day and you chose to spend some of yours reading my story--I'm very honored:)

****

_My spirit's sleeping somewhere cold_   
_Until you find it there and lead it back home_   
_Wake me up inside_   
_Call my name and save me from the dark_

  
_\- Bring Me to Life, Evanescence_

  
****

  
**One year later**

  
The tree, with its thick trunk and leafy branches, was perfect cover. Wielding her light saber, Rey pressed her back to the scratchy bark and waited, poised to strike.

  
Her opponent was coming. She could feel it. Any second now...

  
Finally, just a mere moment before she sensed he would be rounding the tree, Rey made her move. The yellow blade of her saber cut through the air and connected with a white blade with enough force to make her smile.

  
On the other side of the opposing blade, Poe grinned back. "Did you really think I couldn't see you there?" 

  
"See? Or felt?" Rey asked, hopefully.

  
He lifted his shoulder. "Hard to tell." Drawing his blade back, he swung at her. She parried with ease and retreated a few yards back into the waist-high foliage. "Whatever works, right?"

  
She shook her head. "You know this exercise is about sense, not sight. Did you feel me?"

  
Poe raised an eyebrow lasciviously. "No, but can I?" 

  
The request and the look in her lover's eye was more than enough to shake her concentration. Gripping her saber tighter, Rey refused to give into her body's baser desires. Training first. Fun later. 

  
"Concentrate," she ordered him. "Close your eyes." 

  
"You sure that's what you want?" he leered. And just to ruffle her feathers, he added, "Master?"

  
"Poe!" 

  
With a sigh, he did as she asked, raising his saber in preparation.

  
Keeping her steps silent, difficult to do in the middle of the forest, Rey crept slowly around him, keeping at least fifteen feet between them. When she was directly behind him, she lunged. At the very last second, Poe whipped around, blocking her attack. The sabers clashed again.

  
"Better," Rey told him, her face bathed in light from the crossed blades.

  
"Or maybe I just heard you."

  
"You did not."

  
He stepped back. "You came charging at me like a..."

  
Rey's eyes narrowed. "Choose your next words carefully." 

  
Retracting his blade with a swift swoosh, Poe held up his hands in surrender. But as soon as she'd done the same with her saber, he added a quick and quiet, "Bantha." 

  
In the blink of an eye, she pounced on him, slamming him to the ground with her slender, but strong body. Their light sabers forgotten, he wrestled with her on the soft carpet of leaves and moss, neither one of them gaining the upper hand and Poe laughing the whole while, until the flare of her temper died down and something else started to build. 

  
Poe seized her hands, threading their fingers together, and pinned her arms over her head. "Surrender?" he murmured in her ear.

  
She squirmed underneath him as if still trying to throw him off, but her legs parted, cradling his body between her thighs in invitation, even as she declared, "Never!" 

  
He found the spot on the nape of her neck that made her gasp every time. "You know you want to."

  
Rey's back arched, pressing herself into his rapidly hardening flesh through their clothes. "You're the one...who'll be begging soon..." 

  
Still holding her arms over her head, he kissed her, making her moan into his mouth. When he finally released her hands, Rey circled her arms around his neck, returning his kiss with equal force. 

  
When he started trailing kisses down her throat, Rey asked, her breath ragged, "Here?"

  
Poe tugged at the top of her shirt, inching it down. "Why not?"

  
"What if someone..." She gasped when he managed to bare her breast and circled her nipple with the tip of his tongue. "...someone sees us?"

  
"All the way out here?" he scoffed. "Besides, everyone is getting ready for..." 

  
Suddenly, both of them froze. Scrambling in perfect unison, they sat up. 

  
"Shit!" Poe cursed. "What time is it?!"

  
Rey yanked her top back into place. "We're going to be late!"

  
After retrieving their light sabers and hopping back on the pair of single speeders they'd abandoned deeper into the jungle, Rey and Poe raced for home. 

  
Yavin 4 had given shelter to the veterans of the first Galactic War, Poe's parents included. Now that the second war was over, the remnants of the Resistance once again flocked to the peaceful planet, searching for a home of their own. 

  
For Rey and Poe, it wasn't a long search. Kes had added on to the house so extensively over the years that Rey and Poe had been able to move into their own wing, which gave them plenty of space and privacy. 

  
Still, Poe realized as they reached the edge of the property and parked their speeders, the house would always technically be his father's. It was one of things that had been occupying his mind lately. 

  
"Hurry!" Rey urged him at the door.

  
BB-8 scolded them as they ran inside, reminding them of the time and how little of it was left before they needed to leave. 

  
"We know," Poe assured him as they ran down the hall and into the bath. When he closed the door, shutting BB-8 out, he got a very sassy reply. "Watch your language!" he told the little droid through the door.

  
Rey was already halfway out of her clothes. "He's going to kill us." 

  
Poe stripped his shirt off and undid his belt. "Nah, he's used to being locked out."

  
Naked, she turned on the shower water and tested its temperature before stepping inside the stall. "Not BB-8. Him."

  
Kicking off his trousers, Poe joined her under the spray. "Hot, hot!" he shouted, wincing. 

  
"Poor baby," she clucked. He tried to grab her, but she slipped out of his grasp. "No way! There is no time for that!" 

  
Grudgingly, Poe behaved himself as they soaped up and rinsed off. While he toweled his hair and started getting dressed, Rey quickly dried hers and loosely pinned one side up. 

  
Sitting on the edge of their bed, he watched her dress. It was rare to see her in colors--she still preferred whites and beiges--but for the special occasion, she had chosen a light blue gown made of soft, stretchy fabric that clung to her curves. It was sleeveless with a halter top that extended up to the base of her throat; the hem of the dress flared from just below her knees and brushed the floor. 

  
He swallowed heavily. "You look incredible." 

  
A blush colored her cheeks. "I could say the same about you," she said, looking over his black trousers, and the black vest that he'd put on over a white, collarless shirt. 

  
Poe kissed her softly. "Ready?" She nodded and together they left the house, BB-8 at their side. 

  
****

  
The garden in which Finn and Rose had decided to get married was one of the most beautiful spots in the settlement, but it was barely big enough to hold the two hundred or so people who had gathered to witness the wedding. Most of the guests were Resistance members, new, but also old. As Poe stood beside Finn at the head of the aisle, he could see Lando and Wedge Antilles out in the crowd.

But his eyes were on Rey as she sat next to his father in the front row. He winked at her and she touched her finger to her lips, sending him a discreet kiss. 

  
Rose appeared, preceded by her friend, Lieutenant Connix. Poe patted Finn on the back as his bride started towards them. "Don't forget to breathe, pal." 

  
His friend exhaled. "Yeah...thanks." 

  
The ceremony passed in a blur, mostly because Poe only had eyes for the beauty in the first row. Rey was watching her best friend get married with happy tears in her eyes and her quiet joy made Poe's heart swell. 

  
The last year, while not without its ups and downs, had been the best year of his life. Every day with Rey was a like a gift from the universe. He never wanted to take any of them for granted. 

  
Of course, there were difficult times. Hearing the truth about her family, especially her grandfather, had been a lot for Poe to take in. Rey had always been a beacon of light; how could she have descended from someone so dark and twisted?

  
His encounter with Ben Solo's ghost had haunted him for weeks after this revelation.

  
_You think I would ever let her become like you?_

  
Ben's reply, so cryptic at the time, now suddenly made sense. _No. In fact, I'm counting on it._

  
And maybe he was right to be concerned. She might have called herself Skywalker now, but Rey wasn't completely ready to give up on the idea of her own family. He could understand. She'd spent half of her life on Jakku, counting days and watching the skies, waiting for them. Dreams like that weren't so easy to let go.

  
So, they'd spent a week on Naboo, fruitlessly searching for any remaining Palpatines. Either her family line had died off or no one would claim that infamous, reviled name. They'd returned to Yavin 4 with nothing to show for the journey. 

  
That was when Poe had made up his mind about something he'd been considering for months already. 

  
The ceremony ended with a kiss and Poe joined the applause, grinning widely. He watched Rey brush a tear away with the back of her hand. She laughed at something his father said and nodded. It was a small moment, but it meant the world to Poe, to see the two people he cared about most in the world being so naturally at ease with each other. The only thing missing was his mother. 

  
The guests surged around the happy, newly-wed couple and Poe wove and ducked his way through them until he reached Rey. "You okay?" he asked her. 

  
"Yeah. I was just thinking of the first time I met Finn. I didn't even know his name, but I felt this...connection. I just knew he'd be important to me." Rey looked at him. "I've only felt that way one other time." 

  
He touched his forehead to hers. "I know."

  
****

  
The party to celebrate the wedding was held under the stars, fitting for two of the heroes who had helped save the galaxy. It was a beautiful night with a warm breeze, softly lit by the reflection of Yavin in the sky and the paper lanterns strung across the tables and chairs. 

  
A band played. It seemed like everyone in the settlement had brought food and drinks, plenty to go around several times. People danced, ate, laughed, drank as the night wore on, while Rose and Finn moved around thanking everyone.

  
As the evening wound down, Poe and Rey found themselves seated at a table with the bride and groom. Poe had his arm around Rey's shoulders as she leaned against him.  
"Do you think anyone would notice if Rose and I got out of here?" Finn asked his friends. 

  
Poe's grin was wicked. "I think we're all shocked you haven't already." 

  
Rose laughed as Rey elbowed him. "Poe's right," Rose said. "Come on," she implored her new husband. "Take me to Felucia." 

  
"Is that what the kids are saying these days?" Poe snickered, earning himself another elbow in the side. As the bride and groom got up, Poe and Rey stood, too. While Poe hugged and congratulated Rose, Finn wrapped Rey up in a strong embrace. 

  
"I am so happy for you," she told him. 

  
Finn kissed the top of her head. "Ditto." When she gave him a strange look, he just smiled. "See you in a few weeks." 

  
When the couple were out of sight, Poe turned to Rey. "I'm not ready to go yet. Dance with me?" 

  
"You know I can't," she reminded him. "Your feet will be black and blue."

  
"I'm willing to risk it." He held out his hand and once she'd reluctantly taken it, he led her out onto the makeshift dance floor. 

  
It was easy to fall into a rhythm, especially with Poe guiding her. With her hand on his shoulder and his hand clasping her waist, Rey melted into the movements. As she relaxed, her fingers drifted over his chest, disappearing under his shirt, thanks to the buttons he'd undone. 

  
After a moment, she frowned. "Your mom's ring." She felt along his collar bone, but she couldn't find the silver chain that he had worn every day since they'd met. "You're not wearing it."

  
Poe drew back. "Yeah." His hand shook a bit as he reached into his pocket and pulled out the ring. "Actually...I was hoping you would instead." 

  
She shook her head, confused. "What?"

  
"My father gave my mother this ring when he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with her. When that didn't happen, he gave it to me...so when I found the person I wanted to spend my life with, I could give it to them." Poe held it up. "I want you to wear it." 

  
Rey's chin trembled. "Poe..."

  
"Spend the rest of your life with me, Rey. You can call yourself anything you want...Skywalker, Dameron, even Palpatine...but let me be your family. I want us to build a home together, a real home that's just ours. Not borrowed or temporary..."

  
"Or an AT-AT," she said, a tear sliding down her cheek. 

  
"Be my wife. Be the mother of my children." When her eyes grew wider, he amended this, "Or not, if that's what we decide. But whatever happens, be by my side, Rey." Poe paused. "Because I need you. I love you." 

  
The simple words made her close her eyes as an unexpected rush of feeling swept over her. It was the first time in her life that someone had told her this, actually said the words out loud. 

  
The empty part of her heart, while still shaped liked the man she'd loved and lost, was almost full.

  
"I love you," she whispered. "Yes."

  
"Yes?"

  
"To everything," Rey laughed. "Yes, I will."

  
****

  
The End

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, somewhere in this story, I fell in love with Rey and Poe. They were always going to be the end game, because I'm a canon girl and dead is dead (unfortunately--I wish they'd kept him alive, too), but I really started to ship them hard core. I will always find the concept of Rey and Ben forbidden and exciting and darkly sexy, but as a happily married woman, I can honestly say that I think real love is based on friendship, respect and shared passions--and that's what I believe Rey and Poe could have. I am sorry if I lost Reylo fans, but please know I meant no disrespect. The Rey in my story had to love Ben first before she could love Poe. 
> 
> Thank you for taking this journey with me. I would absolutely love to hear your thoughts, good or bad:) Thank you again.


End file.
